Third Sunday of the Great Fast (Veneration of the Holy Cross)

Hello friends and happy Friday! We're about halfway through Great Lent, and time is just flying! This is one of my favorite times of the year, outside of the autumn and Christmas. In mid-March, Lent is always in full swing, spring weather and activities are on the horizon, March Madness basketball is happening, and life just feels full of new promise and possibilities. It's just wonderful!

This past Sunday in the Byzantine rite was themed after the Veneration of the Cross. This is an additional contemplation of this particular meditation, as it is also on the Byzantine Church calendar for mid-September. Father was wearing beautiful red vestments for the occasion, and there was a special litany following Divine Liturgy in which we all venerated the cross. It was a beautiful addition to the liturgy. We're still praying along with the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, though I know many churches use the Liturgy of St. Basil during Great Lent. I have never attended that particular liturgy. :)

We lit our 3 candles though Easter still seems a bit off, Lent is feeling settled in in the best possible way. I added a few new additions to our family icon library. St. Patrick, of course!

My new favorite icon of Our Lady, the Theotokos of Vladimir:

Sts. Monica and Augustine, so perfect for this philosophical household!

Adorable micro icons: Christ and Theotokos iconostasis set, the famous Christ the Pantocrator from Mount Sinai, the Protection of the Theotokos, and red Golgotha Cross. Also a new Guardian Angel friend who came as a free gift!

We also have out the very first icon I ever purchased from last year, commemorating Great Lent:

It's been such a special season so far, and I'm so grateful to be spending it with all of you! How is your Lent progressing this year?

Twentieth Sunday after Pentecost

Happy late October to you, friends! It's been beautiful autumn weather in my part of the world, interspersed with some gloomy rainy days, but to be honest I love all of it! It's getting closer to cozy season, to be sure. 

In our Byzantine journey (interspersed with still quite a lot of Latin rite devotions, because that's how I roll, it appears) we're trucking contentedly along in our post-Pentecost timeline, towards...Advent? 

*checks*

Yes, Advent! I know that the traditions leading up to Christmas are somewhat different in the East, so I'm learning as I go here. :-0 There is an Advent fast in the Eastern tradition, and it begins earlier than I'm used to, so lots of details on that to come!

But in the meantime, we were back at Divine Liturgy for the Twentieth Sunday following Pentecost. The Gospel this week in the Byzantine rite was from Luke 6, the tale of the woe of the rich man. Father spoke about how we should strive to be rich in faith and in our relationship with Christ. It was wonderful to be back in that worship space and into the rhythms of the Divine Liturgy. 

Afterwards, we indeed chatted about the upcoming parish Christmas Bazaar, which will be held the Saturday before Thanksgiving. All of us are looking forward to helping out and also partaking of the delicious homemade Ukrainian food that will be for sale there! We need to come up with a basket theme idea for the raffle. 🤔

By the way, the cycle of readings is different in the Byzantine rite than it is in the Latin rite, and I've done a bit of snooping on this point. I purchased the book pictured in this post, published by SVS Press, so that I could follow along with the liturgy readings at home on weeks where we attend Mass or if I want a preview before going to Divine Liturgy. There are no Old Testament readings during the liturgy in the Byzantine rite, just New Testament epistles/letters and a Gospel reading, and the cycle of daily readings moves through all of these in a single year. Interesting, yes?

I'm VERY excited about this Advent fast coming up, which begins in mid-November in the Eastern tradition. Expect excitement to come! 🥳

Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost

Hello friends! We're steadily plugging along into the autumn, aren't we? I've noticed from the monthly bulletins we receive at our Byzantine rite parish that we're settling into this post-Pentecost period for a stretch before we get to the next Great Feast in November, so it does feel a bit like the Ordinary Time I'm used to at this time of year. 

This week, it finally wasn't raining, horray! The kids and I headed off to Divine Liturgy, and the first thing we noticed is that Father was wearing blue vestments this week rather than the gold ones he usually wears. I'm not certain of the significance...ok, quick research shows that blue is used for feasts of the Theotokos (which makes sense, blue is her color!), but I'm not sure why that was associated with this past Sunday...ok, I think I finally got it, hee hee! I see on the Byzantine calendar that Saturday October 1st is marked as Protection of the Theotokos and Ever Virgin Mary, so it seems likely the blue would pervade the entire weekend. 

🙌

Liturgy was lovely, as usual. We're getting more and more used to the responses and cadence of things, and picking up on when to consult the sheet with the weekly Propers on it a bit more. After liturgy, we all gathered out in the hall/entryway to talk about the parish Christmas bazaar next month. They need some help with it, and so the kids and I are happily being roped in. There will be Ukrainian food, a basket raffle, and a "trash to treasure" sale. We'll need to come up with a basket idea, but that's a wonderful project to have! Henry can get some service hours towards what he needs at his Catholic high school, and it's just nice to feel more and more acclimated to the community. 

I've noticed that being around an Eastern liturgy and congregation so much has led to me becoming fairly ambidexterous with my Signs of the Cross. I hold my thumb and first two fingers in the little triangle/Trinity shape that I learned from my Byzantine rite research, and I have to say that I absolutely love that. But I also unconsciously switch between moving my hand from left to right and right to left fairly interchangably. At first, I thought I would stick with my Roman left to right, and later that when I'm attending Divine Liturgy I would switch exclusively to right to left. Neither of those has happened, and my hand moves as inspired each time I do it. 😂 I actually kind of like it, it symbolizes this multi-ritual gal quite well right now. 

During a tough season, the rosary has been a soothing balm...

Rosaries by Allison

So, I've been going through a period of spiritual dryness. It's been going on for quite some time, come to think. I had a brief respite in the late summer, but then as the dance competition loomed closer and the kids started back to school, I fell off doing the small bit of daily prayer that I had worked back into my routine, and things deteriorated once again. They weren't terrible, I still felt comfort from my faith and from going to Mass on Sundays, but that richness was lacking. It felt like I was trying to do everything myself, rather than letting God in to help me. The more that I was worried about (and the items piled up especially as September unfolded) the less I would seek out God. I knew He was there, but I had a difficult time asking for help.

About a week ago, my sister asked me about starting a daily challenge to pray a full rosary. I haven't prayed a full rosary in two years, and do you want to know why? Because of my car. I used to always pray the rosary in my car.

In September 2017, I had to replace my aged Honda Civic, and I wound up getting a 2017 Honda Fit that had a stick shift. I didn't know how to drive a stick shift, and thus I learned how. It was not easy, but I got it. However, the newness of the experience made me reluctant to give my hands something else to worry about when they were now so busy simply making the car go. And so for 2 years, I have not prayed a rosary with all 5 decades!

Shauna'h's query got me to thinking: I've been driving a stick now for 2 years, and I'm quite good at it. I also, of course, live in North America, and so I'm shifting with my right hand. My left hand is pretty passive, even when driving the stick. So last Friday, I got out my gorgeous new St. Jerome rosary and took it for a spin. I could easily keep count on the rosary tucked in my left hand while it was also placed on the steering wheel doing what it needed to do. I prayed half on my way into work, and half on my way home. I finished the entire rosary, with no impact on my driving the car.

Since then, I had prayed a full rosary every single day. Oftentimes in the car, but also before mass starts or in other spots throughout my day. I tend to not finish praying a rosary in a single sitting, but this works well for me with my contantly-on-overdrive brain.

I've noticed my anxiety abating a bit. I'm also feeling more positive about things that were previously eating me up inside. I look forward to getting into my car and going to work (where things have been quite stressful with teaching) so that I can have that quiet interior prayer time. I'm loving it.

It's really helped. And I'm hoping to keep it up. I know that sometimes I'll miss a day, things happen, and we're human. But the perseverence is what I need, especially as we move closer to Advent and the holiday season.

Do you have a daily rosary habit? Where do you pray it? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

Reflecting on reflecting... ;-)

This week, I had a slight break in my busy teaching schedule (2 of the next 3 weeks are going to be quite unpleasant), and so I disciplined myself to work on my 2020 Gospel Reflections for CatholicMom.com. I've been a monthly contributor for Catholic Mom since 2015, when I met Lisa Hendey at the Catholic New Media Conference in Atlanta. I have such happy memories of that event, and everything associated with it, so that whenever I settle in to write one of my contributions, I think back on that time with a smile on my face. Some months, it's a rush to come up with an idea for a piece, but I've never missed a deadline.

I've also been a member of the Gospel Reflection team for the past several years. That involves taking on 3-4 short reflections that will appear on specific dates throughout the following year. I really enjoy those, because preparing for them means that I need to settle my mind a bit, read some scripture, and reflect on what that specific set of verses mean for my life at that particular point in time.

Each time I sit down to write a piece for Catholic Mom, I think about how lucky I am to have not only my faith, but the community that surrounds it. We are blessed to have a large, readymade group of friends to share our lives with. And each time I start typing up my contributions, I think about you all as I write them: What are we all going through right now, and/or what would you like to read about? I do tend to theme my pieces by the current season, liturgical and otherwise. Writing these really helps me to prepare and settle into the different milestones on the liturgical calendar, as well as the changing weather and seasons in my life: my kids getting older, changes in my job, etc. It seems like such a small writing gig, but it has been monumental for me personally as the years have gone by. You can check out all of the pieces I've written for them, including the Gospel Reflections, via my author page. :-)

This month, my piece isn't up quite yet (next week!) but it deals with birds. Yes, I know that must sound like a strange topic choice for Catholic Mom. :-0 But they give give us a lot of leeway on what to write about, because they want the pieces to be personal, and relatable. I wrote about birds because Anne and I love to birdwatch, and it's something that she and I share right now. Anne has been resistant to praying with me for a little while now, and I talk about that in the article. We share together when we watch birds, and it's an important bonding and emotional connection for us. I've also been finding it difficult to pray myself lately, as I've been experiencing a spell of spiritual dryness. This is cyclical thoughout my life, as I think it is for pretty much everyone. And it's lovely that I can express what I'm going through spiritually, even when it's not particularly exciting.

So be on the lookout for a piece on CatholicMom.com next week with an American robin as the featured photo. ;-) I love writing for them, and I can't wait to see what next year holds in terms of my writing inspiration! *beams*

Is writing a way for you to reflect on your own spirituality as well? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

When God tells you to slow down...

Since we last spoke, things have been a whirlwind in the world of your Catholic Librarian. And, don't get me wrong, it's not like I have it worse than anybody else. Everyone's lives are busy right now. We're all in this together. *hug*

But I've been having a hard time managing it all, both physically and emotionally. In the past week:

(1) Henry started high school, as well as the after school work study program to earn money towards his tuition, which runs every day. Our previous morning/afternoon routines are now in shambles.

(2) Anne started 3rd grade, and was decidedly NOT looking forward to going back. I think she's a little envious of Henry's exciting new situation in his new Catholic high school while she's back in the hum drum world of their K-8 school. I also think that, although she won't admit it, she misses Henry being there, and is lonely. Her class is very small this year, and although that's great for individual attention, I think she's sad about not being around more kids. She has a hang dog face each morning, and I'm a bit worried about this.

(3) My teaching schedule at work is still up in the air, despite it being the second week of the semester, and things are generally a bit chaotic right now with regards to our lesson planning. I'm stressed about it.

(4) My dance competition is in just over two weeks, and I have a pit in my stomach about it. We're also learning a new group choreography that we haven't finished yet, but need to perform with just a few weeks to practice at our next showcase. And now I'm going to be missing class this week due to a last minute restaurant booking. 😬

(5) We're getting our upstairs carpet replaced on Saturday, and the house is in complete disarray in preparation for that, with furniture moved to and fro, painting happening, and carpet being slowly pulled up from the staircase.

(6) I'm undergoing physical therapy for my recurring calf injury, and suddenly have appointments out the wazoo on my calendar intermixed with the teaching that is to come. Whenever that's finally all scheduled that is. 😓

And all week long, I've been battling what I thought were fall seasonal allergies, but I haven't been this sick with allergies in a long, long time: lethargy, congestion (both head and chest), sore throat, fever rash, the entire works. The night before last, I coughed so much I could barely sleep. When the alarm went off for the morning, I was like:

😳

I couldn't do it. I was at that point, I just couldn't do it. My mind was awhirl with my to-do list of approximately 146,783 items, but my body wouldn't let me. I was exhausted, and I physically had no energy to do any of it.

I got up, and helped the kids get ready for school. Got the lunches all set to go. Mike drove Anne to school, and I took Henry. Then I came home, called in sick, climbed back into bed, and dozed off. It's the best thing I could have done.

I had a physical therapy appointment at lunchtime, and I dragged myself to that. But otherwise, I stayed home, in my jammies, and rested up. I would get small bursts of normal feeling energy, but within the hour, my eyes were drooping closed and I'd lay down.

I'm back at work today, and the feelings of being overwhelmed are still very much present. I'm trying to manage them the best I can. But I think that yesterday, God was telling me that I had no choice, I had to rest. There was a lot that needed doing, and I couldn't do any of it. That's really hard for me to accept.

But it's life, you know? I can't always do and control everything. It's part of my personality, but I need to accept that sometimes things are going to be different and I have to accept that. I'm a work in progress on this, to be sure.

How about you? How does God get your attention when He needs to communicate an important message to you? ;-)

An assortment of winter thoughts and prayers...

That's currently my house, pictured left. ;-) We're in for a heck of a storm here in the Northeast, and apparently a Polar Vortex is coming to suck us all into another dimension, or some such thing. :0 The kids have school cancelled both tomorrow and Thursday, and we'll all be indoors for 2 straight days with lots of family togetherness.

😳

I'm joking. It's good, it really is! But if my kids can't go outside to romp in the snow (which they won't be able to - wind chill will be well below zero, and I'm talking Fahrenheit) they get bored and miserable. We'll make do as best we can! For my part, I'm planning to knit and crochet non-stop, and perhaps I'll have enough time to make a full size afghan! 😃

I do have a blanket in progress, matter of fact:

The theme of the colorway is sweet pea flowers, and I'm so pleased with how this is coming out!

At any rate, the biggest thing on my mind right now are my kids. I mentioned Henry in my post a few weeks ago, and indeed, he was accepted into his first choice Catholic high school. The only thing is, you know...$$$$. We received financial aid, but I'm still losing sleep over how we will make this happen. I think it would be a wonderful environment for him, and I'm really praying that this works out. Your prayers, as well, are very much coveted and appreciated!

Sort of along this same line of thought, the age difference between Henry and Anne has finally, to me at least, become very obvious. My kids are 5 years apart in age, and that has never been a big deal to me. It still isn't, it's just that Henry is becoming a young man, while Anne is still very much in little kid mode. And she should be, she's 7. It's a changing time of our lives, and it's both wonderful and painful at the same time.

So I've been praying a lot. It's been hard for me to pray the rosary in my car since I got a stick shift, but now that I've become more experienced with that at this point, I've adapted to a model whereby I use a one decade rosary with big round beads in my left hand that doesn't interfere with my shifting. At the very least, I can pray a single decade, or the 3 Hail Mary's devotion. I did also sign up for a print subscription to Living Faith, like we talked about last week.

It'll be ok. But it's hard sometimes with the not knowing how things are exactly going to work out. That's where the faith thing comes in, I suppose. ;-)

Are you feeling extra contemplative this winter? What types of devotions do you add into your prayer routine when this happens? I'd love to hear from you!

When you find it difficult to have faith...

I hope that the title of this post doesn't sound too dramatic (I bandied about with several different options before settling on this one), but I think that when you have a blog, it's important to be honest. That's what makes the content compelling, and that's what builds trust and community. I always keep it real here at Life of a Catholic Librarian, so this week I decided to write about the struggle I'm having right now. Of course, this isn't about ME at all, it's about a crisis in our Church (including my own diocese), but it has set off an emotional buildup within myself, to be sure.

I don't often refer to current events here in my posts, but this is one of those times wherein one simply has to. In my lifetime of being a Catholic, I've never felt the way that I do right now. I'm not going to leave the Church, but in all honesty, it hurts right now. It rather hurts my heart to be Catholic. I feel deeply upset at the way some of our spiritual leaders have abused their power and physically and emotionally abused others, both children and adults. It is quite easy for a person to think: "How can this be Christ's Church? How can I stay here?"

I know. I do.

I don't have any answers. I'm just trusting that given that it *is* Christ's Church (I firmly believe this), He will make all things new, and bring some good out of all this evil. We humans tend to screw things up royally, and need God to guide us. We need that more than ever right now.

When I went to Mass this weekend, I have to admit that I was feeling pretty low, based upon all of the above. And I did not have the best experience. Remember that whole bringing-up-the-gifts-too-early-debacle I detailed about a month ago? Well, I was once again back at the 8 am Mass because Henry was serving. This time, Anne was with me. That same sweet usher was looking for volunteers again, and this time, Anne eagerly volunteered us.

😳

I mean, I like helping out, I'm just not my most awake and with it at 8 am on Sunday morning. So I was extra vigilant, keeping an eye on the ushers as they collected the envelopes, and then waited for them to definitely process up the aisle, bound for the small table with the gifts, before Anne and I got up to join them. Everything went great, and Anne bowed to the altar just like I taught her. I reflected on the Gospel reading after communion (which was right on point, btw. In fact, let's pop it in here):

"Many of Jesus' disciples who were listening said, 'This saying is hard; who can accept it?' Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, 'Does this shock you? What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are Spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.'...As a result of this, many of his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. Jesus then said to the Twelve: 'Do you also want to leave?' Simon Peter answered him: 'Master, to whom small we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God."

For realsies, YES?! There could not have been a more perfect Gospel reading this week, but let's come back to that. Let's return to my traumatic experience at Mass. 😭 So,  everything was going soothingly well. Then Mass ended, and Anne and I waited for Henry to come back from the sacristy.

Sigh.

A man comes up to us. I recognize him from Mass, but I do not know him, or even his name. He comes up smiling at us, so I assume he's going to say something nice. Because that's just what I do, I assume the best of people. While still all smiley, he tells me that when *he* brings up the gifts, he gets up as soon as Father gets out of his chair, rather than waiting for the ushers the way that Anne and I did. Then he says:

"I heard the lady in front of me tsk, then say: 'amateurs!'"

And he bursts out laughing like this is the funniest thing he's ever heard.

Friends, I was not laughing. In fact, I said nothing while he laughed, until he got the hint and slunk away. I would not normally react like that; I would play along and pretend I got the "joke" so as to put the other person at ease. But I was really stung. I felt hurt by his words, and that he went out of his way to relay them to me. He couldn't have known that I was generally feeling low that day, upset about everything that we were all just finding out about, and that this would make me feel infinitely lonelier in my faith. But for the rest of the day, I felt terrible. I thought to myself: "what am I even doing here?"

And I'm glad that my thoughts took that turn, because that brings us full circle back to the Gospel reading: I'm here because of the Eucharist.

That's it, really. Although there are many close friends in my community (both locally and online) that I share my faith with, I'm not Catholic because of the people. I'm Catholic because of the Eucharist.

Each morning when I've woken up this week, I think about that. I think about that Gospel reading from John. I downloaded a Kindle copy of the Liturgy of the Hours, and when I can, I pray Morning/Evening Prayer. Randomly, the one I've been able to pray every day is Night Prayer. I remind myself that my faith is about Christ and His True Presence in the Eucharist, and I don't need to feel particularly touchy feely about my bishop or about my fellow parishoners in order for my faith to be firm. Hopefully, that will all resolve eventually, but I don't need to force my feelings into anything. It's the way I feel right now, and that's OK.

It's all a little raw this week, do you agree, my friends? Do you have certain things that you do when you find that it's a challenge for your faith to thrive? Specific devotions or ways of focusing your thoughts and emotions? Perhaps we can all have a virtual group hug this week!

Letting go...

Hi all! Did you have a great weekend?! I sure did. My original plan was to do like usual and have this first post of the week chronicle my weekend, but I decided to leave that for Tea Time instead. I had a really fun dance event on Saturday to kick off the summer performance season, and I figured that made for great podcast fodder, so there you have it. You have to wait til Thursday for all of the exciting details. ;-) But I promise that it will be fun and worth the wait!

In the meantime, I have been busily reading Church of Spies each night for our book club, as well as contemplating a few things...

You have may noticed via my ramblings on here that I have been very busy of late. Indeed, I have felt quite overwhelmed. I am self-aware enough to realize that the common denominator here is ME. Certainly there is a lot to be done on a day-to-day basis, both at work and at home, but my life is no different than anyone else in that regard. I kept hoping that things would slow down, but I have finally accepted that they will not. I have a husband and two young children, a house, and a full time job outside of the home. This is just my state in life right now. I love it, so I wouldn't change a thing. Therefore however, a Constant Sense of Busyness, along with its annoying cousin, Perpetual Forgetfulness, are simply my boon companions right now.

I like to be busy, but I don't like to feel overwhelmed. And I think that the worst part is that I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. :0 I suppose I could worry less about things, but it's not like that is an instant overnight solution.

I truly enjoy my hobbies and avocations outside of my family and my job: Dancing, knitting/crocheting, reading, and writing. But I am starting to feel a bit stressed about fitting in the activities surrounding them. Dancing and knitting are mostly not a problem. This is the busy dancing season, but it only lasts for 3 months out of every year. My reading time suffers, to be sure, but I do what I can, and don't stress about it. This is why we restructured the book club, and so far so good! Writing, on the other hand, I've been thinking about this a lot.

I don't anticipate ceasing writing generally, or on this blog. But I have to admit that I'm feeling the time pinch a bit when it comes to my writing projects. I had something planned for the summer that I am not certain I'm going to be able to do anymore, because I fear it would officially put me over the edge into I Bit Off More Than I Could Chew territory.

There is really no point to this post, in case you were still wondering. :0 I just figure that some of you may be experiencing something similar in your lives, and we could relate together.

*group hug!*

I suppose that it's possible that some weeks there may be less than three posts. I really don't want that to happen, but life is unpredictable. So if that happens, I will have to learn to accept that. This blog has always been a refuge for me, and I do not plan on letting it go. But I do plan to endeavor to let go of my feelings of control about it. We enjoy our time together here, you and I, and I want that to continue. There is no need for stress anywhere in our happy relationship. :)

Last spring I did a re-evaluation of my existence here on the blog, and it turned out really well. Thus, I suppose I'm going through another spell like that. Where is God leading me? Should I change up the structure somewhat? How can I alleviate these feelings of anxiety over meeting my writing goals each week?

I will be keeping this all in prayer, as I hope you will as well. I have more of a sense of community here on this blog than ever before, and I cherish it, truly.

If you have any suggestions, I am all ears in the comments. :)

Tea Time with Tiffany #38 - Faith at work...

Hi all! It's hard to believe that it's Thursday again, time for another episode of:

Today I have a quick update on Lenten and podcasting efforts, and then it's on to our main topic of the day, which is living out your faith in the workplace





 **To subscribe to the audio version of Tea Time with Tiffany, just search for it in iTunes or use this link to subscribe via Feedburner in your podcatcher of choice.

Items mentioned in this episode:

• New podcast link hopefully soonish! ;-)
• My love of holy cards, and how they are a part of my office decor.
• Seeking your experiences with living out your faith in your particular workplace!

So dear listener, have at it! What is your experience with faith at work? We'd love to hear from you.