"Is there still time for me to get out of this?!" Adventures in dance competition finals...

OK, so I'm BACK and STILL ALIVE! 😂 But I tell you, I asked a lot of myself this past weekend. This took "stretching your comfort zone" to a whole new level!

I woke up Saturday ready to go. Mostly. You know, after coffee. ;-) But the time was nigh, and I was as ready as I would ever be. I kept telling myself that all I was doing was going to perform at an event. I was going to get up on a stage and dance my choreography. I perform all the time, so no big deal!

But of course, this was different. With the event being a competition, I was putting myself out there in a different way than I ever had before, and I was definitley feelin' it. I put my makeup on and packed my bag, and gathered up my army of dance supporters in the form of Mike, my instructor and mentor, Claire, and one of my best friends, Brandy. We set off amidst a sea of nerves.

The drive took us over an hour, so we had plenty of time to chat and try to relax a bit. Our arrival was what was making me most nervous, because then the anticipation wait would begin. And that was tough, but all told it was less than 2 hours, since my category was up first. And once at the venue, I met SO MANY kind and beautiful dancers. The environment could not have been more supportive and pleasant, even amongst people dancing in the same category! I can't say enough about how positive this entire event was.

I danced second to last in my category, and when the dancing started, something became very clear: the level of talent at this event was VERY HIGH. I mean, VERY, VERY HIGH. 😂 I felt pretty in awe that I was included as a finalist among them! Over the course of the afternoon, I learned that dancers came in for this event from several large cities where they study with internationally known teachers, and all had been in competitions before. Their dancing was absolutely spectacular!

So when your Catholic Librarian's turn came up, I made my way to the stage with as much courage and bravado as I could muster. First, I summoned my internal patronus. ;-) Then, I danced my best, and gave it everything that I had in me, but I was not surprised when I did not secure a placing finish, and that's totally OK! What I did receive was some outstanding and incredibly helpful feedback from the judges, and the experience of pushing myself to take place in an event like this has changed my dance forever in the best way possible. It was an extremely positive and transformative experience, and to be a finalist at an event of that level has left me all aglow. I feel so inspired to move forward in my dance career, and to continue to grow based on what I learned. I'm also now friends on social media with a number of these dancers, and it's all so cute and warm and fuzzy. 😍 I absolutely love it!

Honestly, the fact that I didn't chicken out has me feeling pretty good about myself. :-0 Being in a competition is an intimidating situation, albeit a healthy one, and the fact that the shyest gal in school pulled that off is a personal milestone, to be sure! I seem to keep choosing to do things that terrify me more and more, so I'm not sure what this means about what is next. ;-) But it's certainly keeping things interesting and exciting! I definitely feel an increased sense of inspiration for studying my art, and I can't wait to see what comes next!

What's the scariest thing you've ever challenged yourself to do in order to grow in something that you care about? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

"The horse is out of the barn at this point. sweetie." Adventures in an epic amount of nervous energy...

My husband is loving, but very practical. ;-) And he's right. As I write this, it's Thursday. The dance competition finals are Saturday afternoon. I've prepared, I've reheared, I've fine tuned. I've practiced everything from technique to fluid arms and hands to projecting emotion with my face. And honestly, this is the biggest benefit of participating in a competition: it's not the results, it's the preparation. I suppose one enters a competition partially because they would like some recognition that their efforts have paid off and that they are good at what they do; but it's mostly because you care so deeply about your art and know that to continue to grow, you need to challenge yourself and make yourself vulnerable. And indeed, I feel very vulnerable right now. :-0

I will continue to rehearse over the next 2 days, but it's pretty much a done deal at this point. It is what it is, and it showcases the best that I'm capable of at this point of my journey. There's no use mentally comparing myself to the other dancers, because I cannot change any of that. They're all going to be really talented, and I need to just focus on myself. Tough to do, but necessary. I actually expected this week to be much more difficult mentally than it has turned out to be. Because although the thought of the unease I'll face on Saturday is certainly present in my mind, it has not consumed me. My piece is done, I think that's what is soothing me. It's completely done, there are no arms/weird things left that have been bugging me and I want to change. It's finished, and I'm resting easy in that. It is what it is, and I hope that the audience enjoys it!

So anyway, that's pretty much all that's on my mind right now. 😂And I am *definitely* looking forward to my post-competition life in which I think of other things in terms of my creative realm! Even within dancing, I've been fixated on this piece for so long, I can hardly hear the music anymore without inwardly groaning. :-0 It's time to move on to other things! I have some awesome dance plans for later this fall and winter that I cannot wait for! 😍

Coming up, I'll certainly report in on the competition experience next week. After that, as we move into October, I have some Fall into the Season Catholic plans as we gear up for the end of the liturgical year. ;-) Stay tuned!

Adventures in new school routines and last minute restaurant dancing...

Well, it may not be pretty, but I'm makin' it. 😂 The weeks are long right now, but we're getting there. Let's settle in for a drink!

I've lived through another week, which these days, is an enormous accomplishment. I feel like this each day lately when I get up in the morning:

Life is a marathon right now, but I'm trying to sprint through each day. I'm getting there, but each evening when I am trying to keep my eyes open before collapsing into bed I am very aware that I am trying to do too much and that I cannot keep up this pace forever. But in the short term, until the competition finals are over, I'm not really sure what else to do. So I'm hanging on for dear life and doing the best I can.

Henry is loving his new high school. I'm quite shocked at how he's clearly acclimated already and thriving. We're still figuring out how we're getting him to and from school each day, since he starts and finishes at completely different times from Anne, but we'll get there. We live close enough that he always has the option to walk/bike, which is absolutely clutch. 

As for Anne, things are still a struggle. She has not acclimated to her new class, and is not thriving in any way. I'm anxious to talk to her teacher, but unfortunately, her teacher's mom passed away this week, and so there has been a substitute. Therefore (quite understandably) it's going to be awhile before I'll be able to get a sense of how she's doing when she's actually at school. I just know that at home, she's been quite unhappy and down about school. Mike and I are both, consequently, quite anxious about all of this. It's been challenging, for sure.

My car goes in to be repaired on Monday, thankfully. But my litany of other appointments remain, and I'm just balancing them all in the short term as best I can. My classes are finally all scheduled, so that's something.

In my dance world, it's been complete and total chaos. :-0 I've been preparing for the competition, and my troupe is preparing for a hafla that is coming up in just a few weeks, but everything is on hold at the studio right now because one of our instructors is getting married this weekend. And in the midst of all this, I've had several paid gigs. I hadn't had a paid gig since New Year's Eve, and now I've had 2 in the past 3 weeks. 😳 And it's great, don't get me wrong. But it's been so stressful at a time when I've had so much else going on, I can hardly think straight.

Last week, my instructor and main dancing partner in gigging situations messaged me to see if I was available to dance at the grand re-opening of a restaurant we frequently dance at on New Year's Eve. They had had a fire, and had been closed for 5 months. They wanted to hire us to dance, but the re-opening was in 3 days.

😬

Now, here's the thing: we're belly dancers. We improvise for a living. I can put together a set list and dance to it with 5 minutes of notice. But emotionally, paying gigs take a lot out of me. You're in costume and performing to the utmost of your ability for anywhere from 12-20+ minutes, and it's exhausting. Restaurant sets are usually 20 minutes for us, and we each dance 2 or 3. It takes a lot of physical stamina and emotional well being. And the emotional thing has been a bit low of late. :-0

But this is a great restaurant, a great opportunity, and great extra pay. So we agreed to do it.

That Friday found me applying stage makeup as Mike and the kids ripped up carpets in the upstairs hallway, remember that? I'm stepping over staples and disintegrated carpet pad as I frantically race around looking for my 4D mascara and extra facial glitter. Claire and I arrive at 5 pm for a 4 hour stretch of waiting amongst straw wrappers and sugar packets, interspersed with 20 minute sets of dancing. This restaurant is lovely, but their sound system is not the best, and stress abounded with getting the music to play loudly, all while people keep coming up to ask me if I can seat them at a table. :-0 It's always a little wacky at these adventures. I will also say that it adds an element of interest to improvisational dancing when you don't even remember what you put on your set list. :-0

But it went great, and I went home a limp noodle after a very long day. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace, but I have to until September 22nd. Then I can start worry about my crazy teaching load (5 classes that next day alone) and the hafla that I don't even know the dance for yet. 😂I don't know, I guess we'll figure it all out! But I have to admit, I don't like things to be *quite* this exciting all at the same time!

What's new with you as September reaches it's mid point?

In dance prep mode... When I have any energy at all, that is ;-)

Welcome to the end of August at Life of a Catholic Librarian, friends, and I cannot believe how quickly this summer flew by! My kids go back to school next week after the holiday, each of them, for the first time in several years, going to a separate school building (Henry's of the high school variety), Henry has a smartphone for the first time in his entire life, and Mike and I have been back to our fall semester schedules since this past Monday. My crazy teaching load won't start up again for a few more weeks, so thank goodness for small favors.

I've been battling some anxiety about all of these changes, and I've also been battling a persistent muscle pull in my left calf. With the dance competition less than a month away, I'm pretty much freaking out. :-0 I finally took the initiative to see an orthopaedist about it, and initial diagnosis is quite good. He doesn't think it's anything more serious than a simple strained muscle, and recommended physical therapy. I start next week, and am feeling very encouraged by it. I've also been working on my own to strengthen that lower leg, since it's now somewhat weaker than the other one.

You could say that I have a lot of trepidation moving into September. I'm doing my best with it, but it's definitely been a significant challenge in my adult life.

As September 1st looms, I'm burying my head in the sand and not looking at the calendar. 😂 My dance competition finals are Saturday, September 21st. I'm telling myself that it'll just be a wonderful learning experience, I've already benefitted greatly from the preparation process, and that I'll likely not place in the top 3. And seriously, that would be fine. I'm thrilled to have been selected as a finalist, and I need to keep my expectations low. It's an international competition, that's a really big deal! If the reality exceeds them, well, that's gravy, but it probably won't.

I've been working on my piece since late January. Time limit is 3 minutes, so I had to select and cut music, and choreograph a dance. Let me tell you, it was HARD. I'm a belly dancer, and I love to improvise. That's an important part of this dance form. I found planning out a piece to be much more difficult than I anticipated! I used to choreograph solo pieces to perform at haflas when I was new to soloing, and so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal to go back to doing it just this once. Yikes! Nope, it's difficult to plan out a choreography, especially when you want to use it to show the entire range of your dancing abilities in 3 minutes.

Finally, in May, I had a version I was pretty happy with. I filmed the video, amusing anecdotes and all, and submitted it. As much as I had enjoyed the process, and working with one of my instructors who mentored me through it all, I was so glad to not have to practice that dance anymore. :-0

My reprieve lasted a month, when I found out that I had been selected as a finalist. This means that you now have to perform live in the finals. You can perform the piece you did in your video, or something else entirely, it's up to you, and it's a whole new panel of judges. With less than 3 months between then and the finals, I did NOT want to come up with entirely new material. So I'm using my video piece; however, it's been heavily modified based upon judges' feedback and my own fussiness about things I decided that I hated. 😂 It's silly, because the piece is done, it's been honed and revamped based on excellent and detailed feedback, I've been practicing it for months in terms of fine tuning my technique and other nuances, yet I still feel so unprepared.

I suppose that's how it will always be with these sorts of things. When you care about what you do, you always feel like it could be better. I also hope that, on the day of the performance, my nerves don't interfere with my ability to do my best. Tha's what everyone always worries about, yes? It's a Catch 22. You're nervous because you want to perform to your fullest potential, but your nerves interfere wtih your ability to perform to your fullest potential. Stinks, but it's part of the human condition.

So, that's that. I rehearse my piece every single day, and indeed, after the finals, I will be relieved to NEVER DANCE THAT CHOREOGRAPHY EVER AGAIN! :-0 I'm dancing at the party after the finals are over, and how I delight in being able to improvise and do whatever I want, ha ha!

I'll keep you posted, but truly, it's OK no matter what. If you don't challenge yourself, you'll never grow. You might be more comfortable (as my poor stomach can attest) but you'll be letting yourself down if you don't at least try. We'll see what happens. But no matter what, on September 22nd, I'm laying on the couch all day, drinking beer, eating pizza, and watching football. :-0

How is your August wrapping up, dear friends?

Is there such a thing as too much dance excitement? A tale of exciting anxiety :0

Well, I'm here to tell you that there is. 😂 This week, I think we need wine instead of hot cocoa, but whatever your preference, settle in for a chat!

My mind has been all a whirl for quite some time now. There have been so many changes, as I've spoken of recently. And more are to come, as Henry starts high school this fall, Mike will begin a new teaching position, and even my own teaching responsibilities will look somewhat different next semester due to changes in the way our program will be administered. It's just a lot to deal with for someone who is quite averse to change. :-0

And then there's dance changes. Dance has been a constant in my life for just over 10 years now, and it was a staple in my childhood as well. It's something that has given me stability in my active life, and inspiration in my creative life. Those two things have grown over the most recent 3-5 years, for sure. I've kept on tackling new challenges in dance, and it has been the best thing that I have ever done.

I remember when I was in the beginner class thinking that all of the people who performed at haflas were so brave, that I could never do that. Well. 😳

I did that, and it was a downright BIG DEAL, performing with my class for the very first time. That's a HARD thing to do, I think back on it so fondly when I see new students at the studio getting the jitters about this, because I so completely understand. To be sure, I STILL get performance jitters before dancing. As in, major ones. But we'll come back to that.

So, first I took the leap and began performing with my class at haflas. Then I moved up to the troupe, and it was a given that I would perform more with them, since they perform at festivals and other events. At that point, that was a pretty seamless and natural transition. Also, right around that same time, I tried something ELSE I swore I'd never do: I performed a solo. THAT was a really huge milestone, if I'm being honest. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done in dance; to look out and see everybody waiting for you to start, because, you know, it's just YOU out there and they're all. Looking. At. YOU.

😬

It was scary, for a shy person, it must be said. But I did it. That was one of my proudest dance moments. I did a solo at every hafla after that, and I remember each of them. But that first one holds a special place in my heart.

After a few years, I got my first pro restaurant gig, and I have to say, that was a pretty scary leap too. 😂 And my pro experiences built up pretty slowly, so in-between those gigs it was like I was starting from scratch, sick to my stomach before each event and/or New Year's Eve. But I made it, and I got better at it, and I was proud.

And then, well. I did something a little crazy. I entered a dance competition.

😨😨😨

I'm not really sure why I did that. :-0 Well, my mentors encouraged me to, and this particular one is fairly local to us, AND the first stage involved simply filming and entering a video. Pshaw, I said. A video? I can do that. Well.

It's not as easy as it sounds. :-0 And you all know me, I'm an improvisational dancer. I LOVE to improvise, I'm good at it, and I feel comfortable doing it. What I'm NOT good at is creating choreography, and that's what I needed to do for this video. I mean, I *suppose* you could improvise in this situation, but that didn't strike me as a good idea for a competition. You want to assure that you showcase a range of movements and musical expressions, and with improvisation, you never know what the heck is going to happen. You may plan certain parts of it, to fit specific spots in the music, but in the moment, you may or may not remember to do those things. At least if my improv experience is any indication. It makes for beautiful, emotive, dancing, but in this particular case, it didn't seem to be the right fit. So I chose music and started a choreography. 5 months later...

:-0

I finished and filmed the video. 😂 For 3 minutes of choreography, yes, it took me 5 months. Because I kept changing and fine tuning things, and then I wanted to work on my technique and expression within the choreography. That took a lot out of me, I tell you. :-0 This was HARD! Really, really hard. And then the filming itself.

My teacher helped me to film the video. She has better equipment then I have, and offered up the studio as a nice big spot to film. This was fantastic, especially since the alternative was my small living room. We filmed 3 takes, and they went as follows:

Take 1: Went well, but I was nervous and stiffer in my execution.

Take 2: I'm all relaxed and into it. My favorite take by far. Figuring I'll use this one.

Take 3: I'm all sweaty and exhausted, and the adrenaline is starting to wear off. But I film one more just in case. I have a memory lapse towards the end, and forget a movement, but keep going. No matter, because I'm not using that one anyway.

A few days later, I look at the takes:

Take 1: is fine, but I know I can do better.

Take 2: Approximately 25 seconds into the 3 minute video, a thick portion of hair sticks to the sweat on my forehead and lodges there quite noticeably. All glamour, all the time, over here. I figure the hair flips and such I have coming up will fix that, but NOPE. It stays there for the entire.rest.of.the.song. Crap!

Take 3: I'm sweaty. But clearly more relaxed. There's that mistake at the end that doesn't look noticeable to the outside observer, but *I* notice it and it's bugging me. Now what?!

😭

This was all very stressful, I tell you. Sure, I could re-film, but my teacher had warned me about this phenomena: when you care about your art, there comes a point after which, when you have to ability to keep trying, you'll never be happy with it. You care so much that you always feel that it can be better. But at a certain point you have to call it enough. And that's where I was at. Plus, I did not want to inconvenience my teacher to take time out of her busy schedule to film me again. So I did the only sensible thing:

I roped my long suffering husband into moving the carpet and furniture out of our small living room so that I could do another take there. :-0

That was an amusing morning, it must be said. Me in a belly dance costume at 8 am, Mike rolling up an area rug and wedging the coffee table into our hallway. And both of us rigging up my small iPad mini to try and film. The things we'll do for love. Well.

The experience was worthwhile, but I didn't end up using that video. The picture and sound quality were just so much lower, and though we tried to control the natural light, it was still reflecting in at a bad angle and washing me out on one side of the room. I was glad that I had tried, because it made me feel like I had at least exhausted every possibility. And in comparing the videos, it made me appreciate the studio videos anew.

So what did I end up picking? Take 3, of course. I had a few friends watch them, and my teachers, and all picked Take 3 as their favorite. So I submitted that one and tried not to obsess about it. That was the end of May.

In June: Well OK, I obsessed a *little*, but I really think I kept it reigned in pretty well. :-0

Then on Monday, I got word: I was chosen as a finalist in my category. And I now have to perform live in September for the final round of the competition.

And this is the point at which we circle back to the performance jitters issue. WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?! Now I have to go perform in a competition and I'm scared to death! 😂 Why do I torture myself this way?!

Because if we don't challenge ourselves, we won't grow. And if we don't grow, our art will die. When we grow, we are alive. And that's a good, good feeling, even if it's mixed with nausea. ;-)

The process of working on the choreography, and working to improve my dance within it, was more beneficial than I could have possibly realized. And even if nothing more comes of it than the stage I'm at right now (which is to say, I don't achieve a placing finish in the final competition, and of course, this is a very likely scenario given that all of the dancers at this level are extremely talented!) I'm so glad that I did this. I'm continuing to challenge and trying to improve myself, and that's an excellent thing. Plus, this business of me being a finalist in a competition is staying on my dance Instagram profile for all time and eternity. :-0

So, this summer will be dedicated to working on my choreography again. Your video submission earns you judges' comments, and they are SO HELPFUL, I can't even begin to tell you. So I'll be working on technique and a few small changes. In the end, all I can do is work to showcase my personal best. I'm going into September with no expectations beyond trying to achieve that.

Honestly, though. I cannot believe I went through with this. :-0 Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad for it! But this is nerve wracking. I hope that I feel really, really alive in late September. 😂

How do you continue to challenge yourself in the things you love? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

Adventures with swords and winged insects on a hill - more festival dancing, 2018...

You know, when I was a shy, mousey kid with glasses and an overbite in elementary school, I suppose that I didn't think my life would turn out in a particularly interesting way. I wanted to be quietly happy, and that is indeed how it turned out, but I will admit that my adult life includes some elements that I did not foresee all those decades ago. The librarian part is not a surprise. Nor is the wife and mother part (though I did fear at one point that that may never come to pass due to aforementioned shy, mousey, teeth situation I mentioned above). I guess I saw myself perpetually wearing a collared shirt and knee length skirt, my hair in a bun or braid, pushing a book cart around a small public library like Aurora Teagarden. I'd go home, make dinner for my husband and kids, and read a lot. That was pretty much it. :0

My belly dancing adventures have added a layer of excitement and fun to every arena of my life. It brings me unending creative inspiration, a beautiful community of women who support me emotionally, and events that I share with Mike and the kids. And the unexpected fun and laughter at some of the situations that we find ourselves in? Well, there's just no way I can ever put into words the joy it has brought me.

Friday night my troupe and I were slated to perform at an outdoor event memorializing a local musician who passed away a few years ago. After two full days of performing in the daytime heat last weekend, we were really looking forward to this much shorter, more informal gig. And indeed, it was a fun and wonderful adventure!

We arrived about a half hour in advance of our 8:15 pm performance slot, all gussied up in our hot pink costume coverups. :0 There was a band playing on the grass beneath a tent cover. We've danced on a multitude of different surfaces, but grass was a first for us!

The event organizer greeted us warmly and, shouting over the neighboring band, told us that he was so excited we were there, and that we'd be performing on "the main stage." There was a beat of confusion, because we all assumed that we were standing next to the main stage. Then he pointed to the top of a hill.

Yep. The main stage was UP THERE. 😂

I had a hard time believing anybody would hike up that thing to watch us dance, but up we went, me wishing the entire time I had a decorative band for my Fitbit so that I could have captured those awesome steps. ;-) At the top, we found a sound system, and a couple making out. I am not making this up. :0 We discreetly made camp at the sound system, tried to find as even a spot as possible that we could dance on, and waited for the band to finish playing.

They did, and people actually hiked up that hill to watch us dance. :0 The evening was taking on a surreal feeling, but hey. That's part of the fun.

We organized ourselves as the sun set, swatting away mosquitoes all the while. This is officially the first performance wherein I wished that I had slathered myself with bug spray ahead of time. ALTHOUGH, the bug spray would have been a decidedly bad combination with the sheer volume of sweat that I accumulated on my face and hair. It was still quite warm and humid, even up on a hill. ;-) We danced several group pieces, and interspersed solos in-between. Sword and I had our big moment towards the end of the set:

Sword having his time in the spotlight ;-)

And Sword was a good boy. But I tell you, belly dancing, while balancing a sword on your sweaty head, up on an uneven hillside...well, it's not all it's cracked up to be. 😂 In the past, once I got Sword balanced, I was only taking him off my head in case of apocalypse, or maybe just moderate cataclysm. I was much more leery of re-balancing it, so would live with terrible sliding sensations and other crazy crooked concoctions while I danced. Now? Every professional gig I've ever done has requested that I balance the sword. So I do, and now have a lot more experience. Sword goes on and off my head with lightening efficiency depending upon the conditions and his stability up there. So after balancing him for a spell, I swooped him off my head and did a bunch of swirly things with him. Then when I heard my song nearing it's end, I re-balanced him like a champ and ended with the sword on my head. Sword did good. :0

By our final number, my hair was sticking to my back and we all had at least one bug bite. The crowd was lovely, though, and we all have a fun and wonderful time. The event organizer is of Middle Eastern descent, and was thrilled to have us there.To me, this is what being a belly dancer is all about. We are representing a culture, and we have a responsibility to do it correctly and authentically. We are proud to present Egyptian dance, and to do it with joy.

And we have fall belly adventures coming out way! More performances, a workshop weekend in Toronto, an exciting new class, and the semi-annual hafla. I also have lots of yarn crafting adventures on tap as well, so there will be updates on that front too! How is your August going, dear reader? Share at will in the comments!

"Eh, no worries. Everyone will just think you're a crazy person!" Adventures in love and marriage...

Life is an adventure, is it not? And we're often navigating it with our lifelong partner by our side. Even re-reading the title of the post makes me smile, because it brings back a happy and joyful memory from this past weekend. One that I shared with Mike. And that got me to thinking about larger life issues, as my mind is wont to do. :)

So, this weekend I had a dance gig. It was a birthday party, and I was totally solo in terms of other dancers. I navigated the entire thing by myself, setting it up, getting the contract together, and finalizing details of what they were looking for. I haven't done this by myself in a couple of years; my gigs more recently have always involved having another dancer with me. And that other experience a few years ago, wherein I set it up by myself, was the only other one I've ever done. Thus, needless to say, my stomach was in butterflies over this one in the 2 weeks leading up to it. I wanted it to go smoothly, and for everyone to have a good experience. I felt like it was an important milestone in my little career as a pro dancer.

Saturday arrives, and my stomach is doing flip flops all day long. As I was texting with the woman who had hired me (heretofore known as Nice Hiring Lady), I thought to confirm with her that the birthday party was in a banquet room in the restaurant. I don't know why, but I just had a sense of foreboding. 😂She texted back that, nope! They were out in the main restaurant, but not to worry, we would figure it all out when I arrived. And what she meant by that is that my presence was a surprise for the two birthday honorees. So my surprise arrival was not going to be at ALL the way I planned. :0

Not only that, but there was a live band there, and it was LOUD. And crowded. And loud, did I mention that already? I had a standard aux cable for my music, but when we got there we found out that it wasn't compatible with the band's sound system. We had to use my little iPod speakers, and let's just say that wasn't going to make a dent at ALL in that large crowd.

When we arrived, Nice Hiring Lady came out to meet us, and said that I could clandestinely slip in without being seen, so that I could enter just from a tucked away spot within the restaurant. I have to admit, I was dubious: I was wearing a florescent pink costume coverup with a long orange sweater over top because it was so cold. Also because of the cold, I was wearing socks and boots, which *really* made the costume, as I'm sure you can imagine. ;-) My bag holding my music accoutrements and silk veil was covered with bright pink sequins. Mike was carrying my sword in it's sheath. Blending in, we were not. That's when Nice Hiring Lady made the comment from the title, and I knew how much I liked her. 😀I love people with a solid sense of humor!

So we get inside and squeeze our way through the crowd to the dance floor area. I tuck myself into the servers' station, where staff members keep coming out to tell me that I can't be in there, but there's really no where else for me to go without giving away the surprise.  So I'm hopping around on one foot over there peeling off my socks and boots, while Mike struggles with the music on the other side of the dance floor. I was expecting the band to take a full break and vacate, and hopefully then the crowd would quiet down a bit, but also nope! Suddenly, they're announcing this surprise arrival (oh right, THAT'S ME), but my music cannot be heard over the din. I waited for a few beats, peeking out while shrouded by my veil like a freak, and saw Mike finagle up my iPod speakers to the band's microphone. Suddenly, my music could be heard. The first song was already WELL past my precise climactic entrance part, but by that point there was nothing to be done. I sailed out with Veil onto the small dance floor.

Yes, everybody was surprised. Everybody was also still quite loud. :0 But luckily the microphone at least made the sound situation palatable.

It was not at all what I expected. People quickly sealed around me on the small dance floor and there wasn't a lot of room to be flourishy. Therefore, Veil's debut was pretty short lived. This part of the situation was particularly dicey for Sword, but I will say, he did GREAT. Everybody loved him, like usual. Sword and I definitely have a new and happy understanding for gigs like this. ;-) Everything went fantastic, and I had an excellent experience, despite the unexpected circumstances. I could tell that Nice Hiring Lady was also quite ecstatic.

So, at some point, I turn around, and there is my husband: balancing a microphone in one hand, and my sword in another, beaming at me while I belly dance in approximately 5 feet of space at a surprise birthday party, dragging willing women into the circle to dance with me like there was no tomorrow, and I thought to myself...I bet this isn't what he pictured when he married me. 😂 That his bookish wife would become a professional belly dancer, and that we would have weekend adventures with me blinding people with my sheer volume of costume beads, and him brandishing a sword that I will balance on my head. Life does not always turn out the way we plan. But I have to say...I am SO GLAD for that!

Our life is not perfect, and neither he nor I are perfect people. On paper: him a baptized Catholic that currently professes atheism, me a devout Catholic, it seems like an odd match, right? However, we are not only happily married, but more in love than ever. Again, that does not mean that we are without bad days and disagreements. ALL marriages have those, or else the couple is not being honest! But I look at my husband now, and think about how freaking adorable I find him, and that I'm so glad that he's the "party guest" I will be escorting home, and I know that he feels the same way. ;-) It's as we feared when we were all kids: old people really DO still think about and do *those things*, and not only that, but it's WAY BETTER than when we were younger! :0

My marriage is a sweet gift that I do not feel worthy of. This year has had some tough moments in it for me, and Mike has never given up on me. He is always there to support and reassure me. I know that he will always be there for me. Our marriage means as much to him as it does to me. And that means THE WORLD to me.

Someday, (hopefully, many, many decades from now) one of us will pass away, and our marriage will come to it's natural end. It's until death parts us. But until then, I want to enjoy every moment that I have with this wonderful man. I hope that we still have hundreds of adventures in our future, many memories still to be made.

Apparently, this is a sappy post! Would you also like to sing the praises of your significant other? Have at it in the comments!

"Spring"time malaise, and ruminations on performing in our daily lives...

Hi all! It's been an interesting week as I wrap up my grading and course-related work, and segue back into writing project mode.  It's been a refreshing change, to be sure, as I do tend to get burned out from the intensive teaching that we do for the first 10 weeks of every semester (anywhere from 8-13 sections of the same library research lab). This semester I had the lowest number I've ever had, which is 8, and while it was much more manageable in terms of preparation, grading, and email management, it still very much crushes my spirit a bit. It's draining, it's monotonous, and frankly, it can be unfulfilling. It *can* be fulfilling, depends on the class and the week, to be sure. But every semester, when we are wrapping up this portion of our duties, I breathe a sigh of relief for a break from that harried routine. It's extremely refreshing to have other tasks for a spell, to have a chance to recharge and feel inspired again to teach in the fall.

Earlier this winter, I mentioned that I was struggling quite a bit with seasonal depression. I know, though, that it was also related to what I just discussed above. I took it hard when the spring semester started in late January, and my lovely holiday break and winter quiet time turned into chaos once again. I've been working on mitigating that with some natural remedies and prayer, and it has indeed helped. With the summer approaching, I know that the break from teaching will be the most important factor of all in helping me to recover my perkiness.

But the weather? Let's just say that is decidedly NOT helping.

April is not very springy in WNY. It's a factor of living on the volatile Great Lakes, it's just part of our climate. April is a transition month, very akin to November. Following the gorgeous foliage and cozy cool temperatures of September and October, November is gray, rainy, cold and gloomy, interspersed with occasional pleasant days. So is April. And that's OK. But every once in a while, you get an April like this one. And April 2018 is gray, rainy, cold and gloomy, but interspersed with high wind warnings, pelting mixed precipitation, snow squalls, hail, winter storm watches, and regular ice dams on your windshield. It has been rather miserable, and I'm getting weary of bracing myself for the walk out to my little Honda Fit every evening after work.

Everybody has been talking about the effect this long winter has had on our emotional well-being. We're looking to bust out of this funk we've been in. :0

In other, but related, news, I have some professional dance gigs coming up, and it's caused me to realize what a dramatic turn my life has taken over the years. We went from:

(A) voted shyest in her high school senior class; to

(B) gets up in front of people daily for either public speaking or dramatic Middle Eastern dancing.

It's quite the 360, let me tell you. And the thing is, although I've gotten slightly more confident as I've aged, the reality of the situation is that both of the things mentioned in (B) still make me all:

😳😬😳

I need to psych myself up to both daily, and afterward, both leave me drained. My dance instructors are going to Egypt for nearly a month, and are passing on gigs to me while they're away. All I could think when they told me this was:

"Please God. Let them hurry back!!"

Because I may be a quivering mass of sparkles in the corner by the time they return in mid-May. Restaurants on New Year's Eve are one thing. Surprise birthday parties, with their potential for countless instances of social awkwardness, are quite another. 😱

It's interesting, but *that* is what I worry about with teaching, too. Embarrassing myself. Saying something stupid. Tripping over my own feet and collapsing in a heap at the front of the classroom. I want to do a good job, sure. But more than anything, I fear feeling incompetent and letting myself down. The shy little girl from my K-12 years hasn't totally gone away. I tamp her down a lot better then I ever have, but I don't think a person ever completely changes inherent parts of who they are.

Life takes lots of unexpected turns, to be sure. I'll take my life now over my younger self, any day. It does still have it's challenges, though.

As we await summer, I've been busily knitting some baby gifts and catching up on my reading. My current reads are Lethal Licorice (Amish Candy Shop Mystery #2), and The Tomb (Living Water series, book 3). I'm thinking we can start up our summer book club (which will be apologetics themed!) in July. Sound like a plan?

How is this spring season treating you? Has it been as spring-less for you as it has for me? ;-) Write in and regale me with details!

Happy New Year, 2018! It's an exciting, dancey start :)

Happy New Year everybody! I'm still exhausted from mine :0 (you'll see why shortly), and the transition back to work wasn't an easy one. I had a lovely vacation at home with family, and braving the sub zero temperatures here currently in WNY to troop back to my office, away from the family love, wasn't easy. :-\ But let's reflect back on the fun, and look at where we're heading in 2018!

*streamers!*

Christmas was lovely. I did not enjoy having no 4th week of Advent though, is anybody with me? I know it just falls like that sometimes, but it's very unfortunate, in my opinion. Our church was already decorated for Christmas on the morning of the 4th Sunday of Advent, because there was no time to decorate before the Christmas Eve Mass that evening! :0 And Christmas Eve was hectic with family party festivities as it always is. But after that...BLISS.

Christmas morning Mass. Gift opening. And then days upon days of relaxing family fellowship and meals. I loved it.

And New Year's Eve? Was CRAZY. :0 In a really good and amusing way. Got your tea or coffee?

So I wound up with two dance gigs that night. We had a bit of a house of cards situation going on with dancers starting out at 2 locations, then funneling to a third as earlier sets finished up. As opposed to our usual tag team plan, with us switching out for each other at each set, this year Claire had to dance fully before me, and then jet to the second venue, leaving me alone to handle my sets for the final hour. This was uncharted territory for me, and I was nervous. :0 Oh, and I did I mention that the high that day was 4 degrees Fahrenheit?

!

We were starting off in a small Indian restaurant, and every time the door open to admit a new diner, a blast of icy air filled the space. And our "dressing room" was a tiny, closet-like indentation that we had to stuff ourselves into, with a window to the outside that also made it freezing.

#ugh

All glamour, all the time over here!

Claire got started right on time just as the restaurant was filling in. Everything went great, the audience was very happy and responsive. After her first set, she reported in that despite the polar air regularly being admitted to the restaurant, it was actually *sweltering* out near the buffet while dancing. This actually made us appreciative for the freezing dressing room between sets. Huzzah!

The rest of her sets also went great (as I expected they would), and she noted something I would find true in precisely 1 hour: the 3, 10 minute sets with full costume changes between each, all within an hour, were pretty tiring. We are used to dancing multiple 20 minute sets, but over a multi-hour time period, with huge breaks in-between while the other person dances.

She finished up, said goodbye to the owners, and then I was on my own from 8-9 pm. Sweating profusely. My delightful friend Brandy came to help me with my costumes and start my music for me, bless her soul. I was changed and ready for Set #1 at 8:05 pm.

Veil and I swirled out and it went great. It was a polite and quiet crowd, but very attentive and responsive. I made my way around the entire restaurant with ease, given the size. I had 4 playlists for New Year's Eve, so I kept forgetting what was on each one - It was a big surprise every time a song ended. :0

Set 1 finished, and I rushed to change in The Freezer. Set 2 is Sword's set, and as you can imagine, he was all excited. ;-) I tried something different this time, and emerged with Sword already balanced, and I have to say, I like this model better. If you're having a good sword night, you can remove it, do some other things with is, and then re-balance at various spots of the restaurant, but if you're not, you can just discard it with the pressure off and no one is the wiser. Plus, when you come out with a sword balanced on your head, it really gets everyone's attention. :0

Sword had his big drama sequence, and it went really well. I re-balanced a few times as I swooped around the restaurant, and then handed him to Brandy as I moved into my second song - which is to say, my favorite Middle Eastern song of all time, Shik Shak Shok.

Now, you see, Claire warned me about this. Before I ever did my first professional gig, she wisely told me:

"Always pace yourself. Have a slower song in each set so that you don't tire out before the end of the evening!"

And what did I do this past New Year's Eve? I put together a set with Sword (slower song, but still high intensity nerves given the balancing prop), the high energy Shik Shak Shok which I loooovvveeeeee, and a drum solo.

Shik Shak Shok starts. Let's just say that I got very into it. :0 I've never performed to that song before, and I danced HARD, circling the restaurant like it was going out of style. I mean, I love it, I couldn't help it. I don't think I've ever shimmied so much to a single song in my entire career, and this song is over 5 minutes long.

As it was wrapping up, I thought to myself:

"Oh boy. I'm *tired*."

😆

I pounded out the drum solo, but Great Googly Moogly. You could have scraped me up off of the floor with Sword by time that set was done. And then I had to wrench on yet a third costume and perform another set. And it was quickly approaching 8:45 pm, so I had to hustle.

I think part of the extra exhaustion factor was the quick costume changes, plus all of the new adrenaline rushes every time a set starts, all within a condensed period of time. Luckily, Set #3 didn't involve any props, and was much easier than the others. A fun pop song, a slower but upbeat baladi, and a very familiar drum solo. I got some people up to dance with me and all went well. After that, I changed, said goodbye to the owners, who seemed very pleased with how the evening went, and Brandy and I rushed off to Indian restaurant #2. Well. :0

This was a larger restaurant, and it had a nice crowd there. Claire was dancing when I arrived to a very lively audience, and I hurriedly changed and readied Sword (yes, AGAIN, *sob*!). To make things even more challenging, I had also put Shik Shak Shok into this set. WHY GOD, WHY?! I told myself that I could do this. I was tired, but it was just one more set. Granted, a 20 minute one, but that's cake. Usually. I hope.

Claire came back to the dressing area, breathless, and we looked at our watches. It was 9:35, and dancing was scheduled to go until 10. The time was nigh.

She set up my music while Sword and I got ready, and we came out with all of Sword's dramatic flair. The crowd was LOUD and somewhat raucous. But in a really good way. :0

Sword and I swooped our way around. There was a table of little boys who seemed particularly taken with this part of the program. We did our thing, it went well, I handed Sword to Claire. And that's when things got interesting.

I was making my way around the restaurant when I noticed that a group of people had come out into the center of the room and were dancing, beckoning me over. So I danced over. Quickly, a circle formed around me. This was a first, but OK. I got this.

Next thing I know, I notice things flying out of the corner of my eye. That seemed somewhat alarming, so I made a circular movement thus that I could inspect further. It was MONEY. This was another first. :0 It is a Middle Eastern custom and sign of appreciation to shower performers with money as tips. I kept dancing, and the money kept flying over my head. I tried to keep my face not showing the surprise I felt that anybody liked my dancing that much. :0

There were lots of kids there, and they ALL came out to dance with me. By the time Shik Shak Shok queued up, I was having the time of my life, and flew around the restaurant with ease. I wasn't tired anymore, and this was the most enjoyable set of my career. I was starting to feel it a bit as my final drum solo started up, but I made it through no problem. That was FUN.

Afterward, Claire and I kibbitzed about what a great gig that was. The owner was very happy with how things went, and we left, aglow.

Then I got home, was all wired on adrenaline, and couldn't fall asleep until after 1 am. Happy New Year! :0

So, after all of that excitement, I am here thinking about the year ahead. I used Jennifer Fulwiler's new Word of the Year generator, and this is what I received:

Vivid

I like that! 2018 is the year of making things counts. :) I have always endeavored to do the things that I love, and to do them well, to the best of my ability. Vivid. I think it really fits.

So let's plan! Lent is approaching, and begins on Valentine's Day this year. Shall we do a book club? If I do one (likely historical/scriptural-based fiction from the Living Water series) who would be in? I'm thinking we could do a combo here on the blog and also at the Facebook group thing, and we could add in a devotional component. Like, each week we set some sort of spiritual theme or goal for ourselves. Maybe we could all take turns coming up with the themes for the upcoming week? I'd love a show of hands of who would like to participate, and then we could go from there!

Tea Time with Tiffany #107 - The epic dancing weekend, & morning offerings!

Happy Friday everyone, and welcome to our early August edition of:

Today I address the EPIC dancing weekend I had, more about performance jitters, a new trilogy from my favorite secular author who specializes in suspense set in Montana, the joy of Morning Offering prayers, and the Downton Abbey shawl is coming along!





**To subscribe to the audio version of Tea Time with Tiffany, just search for it in iTunes or use this link to subscribe via Feedburner in your podcatcher of choice. Intro music is "Feelin' Good" from http://www.purple-planet.com

Items mentioned in this episode:

Highlights from last weekend's epic dance performances

On my Bookshelf: Dark Horse (Whitehorse, Montana: The McGraw Kidnapping), by BJ Daniels.

Prayer Corner: Morning Offerings.

Creative Commons: The Downton Abbey shawl I will be gifting is coming right along!

Needs lots of blocking when it's done, but coming along nicely!

What have you been working on this summer? Are you looking forward to back-to-school season? Any Advent book club suggestions? I'd love to hear from you!

Tea Time with Tiffany #106 - Battling nerves & exciting book club plans...

Happy Friday everyone, and welcome to our late July edition of:

Today I talk about performance jitters, the height of the summer festival season, and plans for future book clubs. Join me!





**To subscribe to the audio version of Tea Time with Tiffany, just search for it in iTunes or use this link to subscribe via Feedburner in your podcatcher of choice. Intro music is "Feelin' Good" from http://www.purple-planet.com

Items mentioned in this episode:

This week's amusing dance adventures post

On my Bookshelf: 

• Summer equestrian theme - Sabotage (Love Inspired Suspense), by Kit Wilkinson
• The next 2 books in the Living Water trilogy for Lenten/Easter book club 2018 - The Thief (on sale right now for $4.99 for Kindle), and The Tomb.

Prayer Corner: St. Maximillian Kolbe novena

Creative Commons:  Downton Abbey crocheted shawl. Pattern is Happily at the Abbey, and the yarn is Knit Picks' Stroll Hand Painted.


Original finished shawl (colorway is the discontinued Hayride):

Newly started shawl in different colorway for Irena (colorway is Big Top):

What's going on with you this weekend? What do you think of my book club ideas? Do you have a book suggestion for our Advent book club? Please write in!

When people already think you're strange...

...they might not wonder so much when you have bright green silk sticking out of your bag for veil practice at lunchtime, or take your daily walk with earbuds firmly ensconced, muttering to yourself, and accidentally smacking innocent passersby with an inspired arm idea. Because I do all of these things regularly. So at least it's not new news. :0

I have 2 dance gigs on Saturday. One is a cultural showcase for a children's reading program. The other is a paid dinner party/restaurant gig in which I'll dance a solo set. Let's just say I'm NERVOUS.

And when I get nervous, friends, I occupy my mind with preparation like nobody's business. So I listen to my set list multiple times. I practice improvised dancing to it, and film myself, on the lookout for weak hands or painful facial expressions that I can eradicate. I practice with Sword, or in his absence, a subbing umbrella, so that I can block that piece to within an inch of its life.

That's been occupying my mind quite a bit this week. It's just one of those things: this is my creative passion, and it means a lot to me to do it to the best of my ability. I will say, Sword has been a good boy. He's getting *4 gigs* this summer, and is downright gleeful about the whole thing. He's been on his best behavior.

But even when Sword is good, I am still highly suspicious of him, and his possible next move.

I was thinking today during my walk about how nervous I still get before I perform, even all these years later. And the restaurant gigs are the biggest anxiety-inducer among them. You're dancing for a lot longer than in any other situation, you have an uncontrolled environment containing food, moving people, and children, and your audience may be drinking/rude/completely indifferent or a combination of all three. See the potential for anxiety in there? ;-)

Indeed, when a person is nervous, it often shows in their face. And that's what I battle against the most when I practice. I film myself, and cringe when I see Thinking Face come out. Petrified Face is even worse, as you can imagine. So for the past year or so, more so then actual movements, I've been working on my face. :0

I mean, it's not like I can change my face. It's the face God gave me, and it does tend to look more serious than the average persons. 😬 I wish I could change this about myself, but there's only so much a girl can do. Claire always tells me:

"It's like acting! You put on your Happy Face even when you're nervous!"

And she's right. But I find that Putting On Happy Face on me actually looks like Don't Look At Me Sideways Or I May Cry Face. So last New Year's Eve, when I had the biggest gig of my career, I came up with a new idea. It's my Channeling Joy Via My Happy Place Face.

Seems like a subtle distinction, but it's an important one. :0 I'm not actually happy at that moment, you see. When I'm about to perform, and then begin to do so, I feel sick to my stomach. Pasting on a smile over top of THAT is decidedly not a good look. So I think about what does make me happy. My family and friends, for one thing. Indeed, Middle Eastern dance *does* make me happy at it's core; it's transformed this painfully shy child into a woman who isn't afraid to talk to people anymore, and to put herself out there doing the things that she loves. So I think about those things. And when I think about those things, I actually *feel* more joyful. I've noticed that my face, while sometimes still pleasantly contemplative, has become a lot more happily animated when I dance.

I think I can boil it down to this: before I dance, I am like Harry Potter summoning my Patronus. I  take my mind to the happiest memory I can think of. Then a big, ghostly animal comes and protects me from Voldemort...er, I smile and project joy when I perform. ;-) Let's now call this the Patronus Face. I should procure a copyright on this phrase. ;-)

So I'm working on my Patronus over here, big time. According to Pottermore, mine is a Wild Rabbit. How fun. :0

We have book club tomorrow, and Tea Time on Friday this week! What is going on with all of you as we begin the week?

Of airborne veils & balanced swords under STRICT instructions to behave - it's a belly dance post, part 2!

Hello to you all, and welcome to part 2 of our dance-fest this week (for those of you who care about such frivolity ;-)). And thank you to those who do! I certainly enjoy writing about this subject, it's very fun for me. Part 1 is here, so let's get on with the dancing!

I think I left off with the fact that on Saturday I was nervous. ;-) Yes, yes I definitely was. And so I did what I could in the morning and early afternoon to stave that off by thinking positive thoughts. Sword and I practiced one last time. Anne helped me get my costume ready and my veil steamed free of wrinkles. I made sure my iPod and speakers were all charged up. I distracted myself well and good by raking leaves with Mike and the kids.

Around mid-afternoon, the kids went over to their grandparents' house to help them with a basement painting project and to order pizza. I made my final preparations, and then tried to put it all out of my mind. By that point, there was nothing else I could do. I had put myself in as good a position as I could to succeed. I had to just hope and pray for the best.

And this time, I did in fact remember to pray. Mike was coming along with me, and had to stop to put gas in his car on our way. While he was outside taking care of that, I said a quick, but heartfelt, prayer that God soothe my nerves and help me to perform to the best of my ability.

As we continued our drive, I felt calm, but a tad sick to my stomach. :) I was really glad that I had taken this opportunity not only to gain more performance experience, but to dance and have fun, because dancing IS fun for me. Usually. ;-) But I couldn't help but feel like I'd rather be going in for a surgical procedure rather than the social situation I was about to face.

#introvertalert

In fact, my legs were trembling a little bit and my hands were FREEZING:

"Honey, could you turn up the heat? I'm *super* cold."

"You are? Oh. OK."

*Mike blasts heat* *discreetly rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and wipes a bead of sweat from his brow*

Car selfie:

putting on my brave smiley face...

And so, we arrived, and I could see someone waiting for me in the back. We gathered up our stuff and trooped over, my pink cover-up leading the way. As I suspected, it was the woman that I'd spoken with on the phone, and we did the usual polite greeting stuff. She said that the initial surprise of the party had gone very well, and she was very excited to surprise her husband with the dancing component. I asked if the other guests knew that I was coming, and she said yes, which made me feel a LOT better. MUCH less awkward that way.

We arranged ourselves in the hallway outside of the banquet room that the party was in. She said to just start whenever I was ready. She went into the room, and left Mike and me out there to do whatever we needed. Mike had instructions on the music and how and when to hand me Sword. I got my dance shoes on, cover up off, and veil out, and I was ready. I couldn't think of a better way to do the music aside from sending Mike in ahead of me to start it. He tried to be discreet and headed to a corner of the room. He peeked out to let me know that he was about to start, and then I heard the music begin.

This was the moment I was dreading :0 but I gathered my courage and entered the room, Veil putting on a lovely airborne performance. The husband seemed appropriately surprised, and was a very good sport about the whole thing. I wished him a happy birthday, and then tried to smile my heart out, dancing away on the small cleared space in front of all the tables.

He, his wife and another few couples were standing next to the bar to the side of the dance floor, and everyone else was at the tables, so I tried to divide my time a bit. I spent more time near the bar, but I went over the tables as well. A little toddler came out to dance with me, which I LOVED. Kids are THE BEST audience at dance events. So I discarded my veil to dance with her for a minute (Veil didn't like this one bit, and I had to pretend that I *meant* for him to engulf me for a few moments :0), and she tried to mimic my hip circles. I also scooped down to her level and showed her a few shoulder movements. That was a real crowd-pleaser.

After that, I had my longer first song to finish out and I was just in the moment, dancing away. And smiling. I smiled and smiled as much as I could. The song ended, and it was time for Sword to make his big debut. I could feel him simpering with energy over in the corner with Mike.

This is also the moment I was dreading. :0 Mike brought Sword over, and I danced around with it for a bit, just building anticipation. I balanced it on my hand and swirled it around for about half the song. The audience had been very attentive throughout, but with the addition of Sword, gazes were now raptly on me.

#WhyDoIDoThisToMyself

The balancing cue in the music that I had picked came, and I carefully set Sword on my head. He's been contrite ever since the art festival, and held on firmly. I started dancing, and received a nice round of applause. Naturally, Sword assumed the applause was for HIM, I could feel him preening away up there. ;-) As is always the case with balancing, I now had a more limited range of movements to pick from, and I beamed as much as I could while I danced. Here is a true statement for you: balancing a prop in practice is ALWAYS easier and more comfortable than it is in performance. It should be the same, right? But it isn't. Everyone is watching you, and it always feels more precarious. However, this time, I could tell that Sword was anchored well, I just needed to be more delicate in my movements, and that's the case in balancing regardless. So, Sword was a good boy, and we finished out the song without incident. That was also a crowd-pleaser. After Sword and I struck our final pose, it was time to hand him back to Mike and dance a drum solo.

I love drum solos, they may be my very favorite part of Middle Eastern dance. And I knew this was my final song in the set, so I was feeling excited. :) I accented away, and before I knew it, the song was over. When I danced at a restaurant a few years back, in a 15 minute set, it felt like FOREVER, and I was physically and emotionally drained afterward. This was a full 13 minutes, but it went by in a flash, and I felt happy and energized afterward. I posed for a few requested photographs, and then we were done. I spoke with the happy couple for a minute and wished them well. They thanked me profusely, and on our way out, the party guests were all very sweet and kind.

So that was that, and can I tell you? SO MUCH RELIEF. :0 I was very glad for the opportunity, I think it was good for me to challenge myself like that, but I am SO GLAD that that one is in my rear view mirror.

Do I have any other performers in my reading audience? Singers, dancers, actors? Do write in with your experiences. :)

Performance jitters - it's a belly dance post, part 1!

All! I'm so happy to be with you today! :0 In the midst of a super stressful season, this past weekend was a welcome, and delightful respite. I'll get to the fun dance stuff in a moment, but the weekend began with a sick day on Friday, as Anne was up coughing overnight and neither of us felt well in the morning. I called in sick and kept her home from school. I also called the pediatrician and got her an appointment, just in case her persistent sore throat was the sign of something more serious, but nope! Just the common cold. :) The peace of mind is good to have though, I'd rather know what I'm dealing with. As the day wore on, it was quite apparent that Anne was beginning to feel a lot better:

Jumping in leaf piles certainly seems to me to indicate that a child is feeling more like their usual energetic self, no? But it was a nice, and needed, day of rest for both of us. We even took a nap together. *heart*

I've also been working on some winter-themed jewelry now that the temperatures around here are more commiserate with autumn, and came up with these delightful snowflakes:

I love them, don't you? :) Yes, in fact I WAS distracting myself quite a bit on Friday, because I had THE THING on Saturday, and occupying my mind is one of my coping mechanisms for managing stress. OK, long story, and a couple of soap boxes to follow. This actually got so long as I was writing that I'm dividing it up into two posts. Today's installment contains some background information on my big night Saturday. Tomorrow I'll let you know how it went, so make sure to stick around for part 2!

OK, let's get started. You have your tea? Good. Saturday morning dawned an absolutely spectacular fall day here in WNY, and I was in full-on crisis mode, in a positive sense. I knew that I had to be at my best, and that I couldn't allow myself to panic. See, here's the thing: I'm SHY. People scoff at this sometimes when I say that, because, you know, I teach. I'm a belly dancer. How could I be shy?! I knowingly put myself into situations in which I'll be up in front of a group of people, and they'll be watching me, and shy people don't do that, right?

Shy people generally want to avoid such situations, yes. :) I'm certain you can feel the "but" that is about to come. BUT, that's not to say that shy people don't want to challenge themselves sometimes when it comes to things that they love. I love dancing, and I love helping people, and that's where the performing and teaching come into play. I think that it's important to understand deeply rooted parts of ones' personality, such as being shy. And in contrast to comments I sometimes hear, I don't see shyness as a bad thing at all. It is what it is, you know? You can't make someone NOT be shy, it's who they are. On the other hand, you can encourage them to come out of their shell sometimes, because life can surprise you and be glorious when you do. And so that's how I got caught up in this whole belly dancing thing. ;-)

And so here was the situation, which I didn't detail beforehand out of fear that it would make me even *more* nervous than I already was. Last month, my instructor, Claire, contacted me about a professional gig that she could not take due to being out of town on the weekend in question. It was for a dancer to perform at a surprise birthday party. VERY IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: I know that belly dance sometimes holds a negative association for people who think that this dance form is inherently (I'll just say it, we're all grown ups here) sexual, and thus inappropriate for most audiences. I am here to assure that it is NOT. Does the history of belly dance have some unsavory moments, and do some dancers portray it in an unflattering (even scandalous) light? Yes. But that applies to MANY other dance forms besides just Middle Eastern dance, including ballet. There are *plenty* of dancers out there who simply love the foundational dance form and aim to portray it in a beautiful and elegant way. A professional belly dancer *should* (I know there are exceptions, unfortunately, but this is the standard):

(1) interpret the art form as best she can in it's proper cultural context.

(2) present the art form in a tasteful and graceful fashion that is, without exception, family-friendly and appropriate for all audiences.

(3) wear a professionally designed, properly fitting, costume during performance. This may or may not reveal her belly, depending upon the decision of the dancer and the audience for whom she will be performing. When not performing, the dancer will wear a drapey cover up over their costume to preserve the unique drama that performance brings.

(4) act in a professional manner throughout the planning process leading up to the event, and the event itself.

(5) NEVER embarrass someone by coercing them up to dance when they clearly do not want to, or otherwise make a person ill at ease in front of their guests.

(6) ALWAYS refuse to dance at an all-male event. Belly dancers are paid entertainers for family parties and weddings.

All right, I feel better now. Do you?! :0 I just think that it's important to be candid with what I'm talking about when it comes to my love of Middle Eastern dance. I get a lot of side eyes about the whole Catholic belly dancer thing, and I feel that it is my responsibility to let people know that these things are not mutually exclusive from either a moral or modesty standpoint.

OK good, we've covered that part. :) So, the birthday party gig. Claire couldn't do it, and asked if I would. She said I was ready for this, and that she had every confidence I would do a great job. Her confidence meant the world to me, but, to put it mildly, I was very trepidatious. :) A few years ago, I split a professional gig with Claire at a restaurant, and found the experience rather draining emotionally. Besides troupe gigs for which we sometimes get paid (charitable events and festivals excluded), that was my only other professional experience. And to boot, I would be the only dancer there. These are totally solo gigs.

All of this added up to the experience feeling rather intimidating to me.  But I thought it over, and realized that if I didn't take it, I would be disappointed with myself. I don't want Shy Tiffany to always win, you know? Although hiding out over at Shy Tiffany's place is certainly more comfortable, it's a lot less exciting. ;-) Claire assured me that the woman who had called her to book the gig was extremely nice and that the gig would be super easy for me. 12-15 minutes of dancing: swirl in with your veil, see if they want you to balance a prop, dance to a fun, upbeat pop song and a drum piece, and that's it, you're done. The fact that it was a surprise party made me a little nervous, because it seems to me that the potential for it to be awkward is a bit higher :0 and introverts avoid awkward social situations like flesh-eating bacteria. But all in all, everything seemed positive about this gig, and when I took a step back, I realized that I've been studying Middle Eastern dance for nearly 8 years. I could handle this, if I just gave myself a chance. Meaning, if I could manage to stifle Shy Tiffany and lock her away for a little while.

I spoke with the woman booking the gig, who was, as promised, extremely kind and pleasant to work with. With their family and friends, she was planning a surprise birthday party for her husband. She could not have been easier to deal with, just asking me to come and dance at the party and to balance my sword, because that sounded really cool to her. We got all of the details worked out, with a contract and all of that good stuff, and then I had to wait and prepare. With a knot in my stomach. For the past 5 weeks. :0

And prepare I certainly did. I carefully curated a playlist of fun music that incorporated different tempos and rhythms, and with which I was very familiar, to make for easier improvising. I planned a veil entrance, an upbeat but traditional Middle Eastern piece, an even balady for the sword, and then a drum solo.

I practiced A LOT. I ran though the music, improvising my little heart out. I worked with Sword quite a bit, and developed a new way of getting him balanced on my head that was working much better. Sword has been on probation since our little incident at the art festival this summer. :0 I really didn't want to bring him, but it was a special request, so I couldn't exactly refuse.

Practice went great, and the big day quickly approached. Let's circle back to Saturday morning. I was feeling ready, but NERVOUS. I projected calm into my brain as best I could and faced the day. How did it work out? Come back tomorrow for part 2 and all the fun details!