What I do with an evening to myself...

Mike was out watching basketball with a friend last night, and both children were tucked into bed. What does the Catholic Librarian do with such heady power as to reign supreme over her very living room?

(1) Watch The Journey Home. Certainly the most edifying part of the evening, I haven't indulged in my love of EWTN in quite some time. Occasionally I'll put it on while I get dressed in the morning, but when I lived alone I used to watch Life on the Rock, The Journey Home, and Mother Angelica Live with abandon. Now, I'm sharing one (and a half, really, if you count the tiny tv in my and Mike's bedroom) television(s) with 2 children who want their cartoon,s and my classic film-loving husband, so it's a lot more difficult to squeeze in. This week's guest was a convert from Presbyterianism. I love personal stories, and The Journey Home certainly fits the bill. Love.

(2) Knit. This is a nightly activity, to be sure. I'm working on a cardigan for Anne and had to divide for the sleeves. The technique in this particular pattern was new to me, and I was a little afraid, but I'm pleased to report that I knocked it out of the park. Or so it seems until I go back to the provisionally held stitches at a later time (especially since this took place during item (4) below, Chardonnay consumption), which has the potential to turn into a disaster, but we won't go there right now.

(3) Eat an orange buddy bar. After 8 pm, calories be damned.

(4) Drink a glass of Chardonnay. Cheers.

(5) Pause to go on Twitter and be nosy for a bit.

(6) Watch Breaking Amish: Brave New World. See, this is where it's gotten later and my judgement is more impaired.

I think we can safely say that Breaking Amish is the cesspool of reality television, right up there with Toddlers in Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Although the possibilities are endless these days.

This is the first episode of the series that I've seen and it was a bit hard to watch. So, we've got these Amish and Mennonite young people who allegedly left their communities while the show was being filmed last year (my reading today has demonstrated that this is in fact not the case; yes, even after describing the show as a cesspool I was still reading about it, I don't see anything AT ALL contradictory about this) and even in viewing a single episode I can see that the situation has quickly deteriorated to bad decisions being made left and right. I kept saying to the tv: "Does your MOTHER know that you are doing this?! Actually, she doesn't, and you're LUCKY buddy-boy that she can't see you right now!!"

It was...informative, to be sure. Then I went up to bed to wait for Mike while reading 2 simultaneous books on my Kindle. It was fun, but I much prefer having him home. And I'm pretty sure he would picket outside for inhumane treatment if I tried to make him watch Breaking Amish.

Dance on the brain...

I'm still coming down off my belly dance high from the weekend, and made a happy discovery today. I like reality tv, which I may have mentioned in the past. I know that's it's not totally "reality" and all of that, but I can't help it, I like to watch it.

I was looking at the Michelle Joyce series of videos called "Secrets of the Stage." It's a 3 part series on belly dance performance skills. The interesting thing is that these DVD's aren't at all about technique, which makes them different from just about every other belly dance DVD I've ever seen. They're about presenting yourself as a good performer, and volume two specifically addresses restaurant dancing.

Anyway, I'm interested in volumes 1 and 2 (volume 3 covers dancing to live music, and though I'd love to do that, I can't foresee any opportunities for that, so I can forego that one for now) and was looking for the best price on them, of course. :) They're pretty in -demand. So, on the production company web site I saw a link for a belly dance reality competition called Project Belly Dance. I don't think it ever aired on television, it's available online. It sounds like season 2 is ongoing.

But the episodes are available for FREE! I hustled over and watched episode 1 of season 1 while I ate lunch. BELLY DANCE NIRVANA! I loved it. The winner gets a contract to make her own instructional video with the production company plus other "make you famous" type things.

If you like to watch dancing you'd really enjoy this. There are lots of different styles represented (both American Tribal Style and cabaret) and use of props. Very, very interesting. Check it out.

American Idol starts up...

So, this is the time of year my husband dreads the most. Maybe this is why he dislikes January so much. The start-up of American Idol. I feel less enchanted with it every year, but yet I get sucked into the vortex every single time. I don't pay much attention to auditions; those are just painful. But I like the Hollywood round. This is when it is down to below 200 contestants, and then the real action begins.

The second show every year during the Hollywood round is the infamous "group night." This is when the contestants bunch up into small groups to perform a song, and make each other miserable with their childish, atrocious antics. I am always watching eagerly, chilled box of Franzia at the ready.

So at this juncture, there are always a few special stand-out contestants; no, not those that can sing well, though there are those too, thankfully. These are the contestants that have personalities so awful we wish we could tuck them away in a corner and not deal with them until they start to stink. You know, personalities that are as appealing as ripe formaldehyde. Here are my top three:

(1) Bikini Girl. You have have heard of her already, unfortunately. She auditioned in Phoenix, yes, in a bikini. Randy and Simon could barely contain themselves at the judges table. The female judges, predictably, and understandably, despised her on sight. Her Hollywood run, though she is wearing more clothes, has not exactly added more content. This is a girl that thinks that she is really, REALLY hot stuff. It grates on your nerves like that awful cheese that smells like feet. She abandons her group early to go to bed, sleeps in, declares that she is too tired to possibly perform, and then re-shows up right before performance time wanting to know "what she's missed." A real winner here.

(2) Laughing Girl. No, not the cute gulls off the eastern coast of Florida. This is a person, and her laugh makes you want to slit your wrists with your broken wine glass. Usually, she applies aforementioned laugh after some annoying and/or lazy action, like switching groups whenever she darn well pleases and pissing people off at every turn, all the while expressing bewilderment at why everything is being blamed on her. We last saw her in a dress the color of snake skin, declaring "When you look this good on 2 hours sleep, you know you're good. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH." I wish the camera guy had tripped her in her pointy shoes as she walked away.

(3) Effeminate Guy. I don't care that he is effeminate. But I have never seen someone more dramatic, male or female. He cries all the time and stomps away whenever his group disagrees about something (which is frequent). It makes me tired just watching him. That combined with his comment about his desire for music success "bursting out of his skin" really skeeves me out.

Annoying people aside, I will be watching Tuesday, wine glass clutched happily in my hand. I live for this stuff.

Happy election day!

Hank has pink eye :( Ugh. Mike is home with him this morning, and I'm taking the afternoon shift. Poor little thing. He also has a cough and is generally sickly. Definitely needs some TLC.

In the mean time, though, I'm at work and enjoying the buzzing going on about the election. I'm not a big politics talker, but I do like being informed and keeping up-to-date. Definitely looking forward to vegging with some wine later and watching some good old CNN coverage.

Last night while Mike watched the Steelers game, I watched some WEtv (unsurprisingly). I saw part of a hilarious episode of My Fair Wedding. Our favorite wedding guru, Nick Tutera, visits with a bride who wants a "Cinderella, princess themed wedding." Pretty much the exact opposite of my wedding tastes, but to each their own :) Anyway, Nick asks her to show him what she's chosen so far for her details. They did this cut-away sequence where you would see Nick and the bride, and then just Nick alone commenting on what she had shown him. The bride whips out the fake rose petals, plastic diamonds, and artificial gold and pinkish centerpieces she purchased to place on the tables.

Nick: "I seriously thought I was going to pass out."

Next came talk of "Ben, the balloonatic" who would be transporting pink and white balloons to the wedding. Something about larger balloons releasing smaller ones, a tower of cascading balloons, etc.

Nick: "Ok, balloons should not be used in a wedding *ever.* EVER. Ben the balloonatic is going to have to talk to me, because seriously. He needs to just go away."

The coup de grace was the dresses. The maid of honor puts on her dress, a pink frothy concoction that looked like something out of My Super Sweet 16.

Bridesmaid: *good naturedly* "I feel like a giant birthday cake!"
Nick: *shudder* "That color looked like Pepto Bismol, and Oh God, I just can't..."

The bride's dress was a gigantic white puff ball, complete with elbow length gloves that came to a point and hooked over her middle finger.

Nick: "ok seriously, she's going to thank me for this. Because I just know that this is one of those dresses that she'll look back on in five years and think 'what on *earth* was I thinking?!"

Oh, it was good. Real good.

Seriously procrastinating...

I should be writing a book review, but here I am. Daydreaming about the cakes on Amazing Wedding Cakes. It's true - I'm a closet frosting addict. I will eat it right out of the can. Usually, that sort of desperate measure was only employed when I was really down about something or had just broken up with a boyfriend. In other words, I haven't delved down this path of frosting-related destruction for quite some time. But still. Whipped cream doesn't really do it for me, but cream cheese and buttercream with or without fondant make me weak in the knees. I want to eat my tv just watching this show. Why are you still talking about this Tiffany, it's a show about cake. Yes, I know. I have a problem. At least I can admit it. I watched with rapt fascination while they rolled out the fondant sugar dough and crafted it onto the cake for that seamless, perfection look. Felt my mouth water when they prepared those little bakery bags to squirt designs out of. Good Lord.

In other We Go Bridal night news, I thought I'd complile a list of my favorite moments from the bridal reality shows the past few weeks. The winners are:

3. bridesmaid riding in the backseat of Amanda's car (this is the girl who wanted to only pay her venue $80; remember her?) sits in such an unladylike way that WE has to arrange a modesty splotch in a very compromising location. Sometimes I miss my US Weekly subscription.

2. Several brides try to make demands on their bridesmaid's hair. And I don't mean "oh, allow me to set up your updo appointment for you for the morning of the wedding." These brides actually told people to un-dye their hair or otherwise make drastic changes because their new cut or color wasn't what was envisioned for their dream wedding. Some people have an astonishing amount of audacity.

1. The bridesmaid dress from last night. I actually snorted when I saw it, talk about unladylike. It was pink. It was puffy. It had *crenoline*. It had this brown sash thing that flattened the chest of anyone within a mile wide radius. I've seriously never, ever seen a dress that awful before. The matron of honor really, really looked like a giant pink powder puff. It was *bad*.

New shows to discuss...

Mike is going to just die. Last night, when I blissfully had the tv all to *myself*, I watched not only Bridezillas (I would write about it, but it was pretty unmemorable this week. If I come up with anything, I'll post) but My Fair Wedding and Amazing Wedding Cakes. The cakes show just makes me incredibly hungry. Flowers made out of fondant? Sweet Mother of God. It's good though. It chronicles three bakeries and the crazy cake requests they get, and fill.

My Fair Bride is seriously decent. This really fabulous wedding guy named Anthony (incredibly good-looking, amazingly sweet and funny, but gay; doesn't that always figure? :) goes through and completely re-designs a wedding for a given bride. Last night's episode featured a bride who wanted a South Beach theme. She had chosen a sickening green and Halloween purple as the colors, and the poor bridesmaids were subjected to dresses in those colors. You should have seen Anthony's face. He selects three Jim Hjelm dresses instead, which are *fabulous* and tells them that he will pick one and they'll find out which one on the day of the wedding. He does the same with the bride's dress and the reception venue decorations. It comes out smashing, of course. I enjoyed :)

Long term effects of reality tv

I was sitting here trying to come up the names of the brides from this past Sunday's installment of Bridezillas and I realize that I cannot recall a single one of them. Am I insensitive? Or is reality tv rotting my brain?

Anyway, there was a real winner on this past episode. Whatever the heck her name was. Try to follow this logic:

Reception venue tells her (we'll just call her "Bride) that her next payment is approximately $3,000. She says that the check is in the mail, and based on that, signs a document stating that her remaining balance is $80. Two days before the wedding, Bride goes in to "pay off her bill" and hands the reception people $80 in cash. They tell her that she actually owes them $3,080, because they never received her prior check (which, of course, she never actually sent. She leaves that part out). Bride actually tries to argue that because they both signed the contract stating that her remaining balance was $80, that's all she should have to pay. She just flat out didn't send them the prior $3,000, and then tries to say that it's the *venue's* mistake and thus she shouldn't have to pay it. That takes a lot of nerve. They should have knocked $50 off just given that she could make that argument with a straight face. They ask for a certified check, and Bride refuses, saying that "she doesn't have time for that, I'm planning a wedding." The reception people do her a favor by accepting a personal check, but then they call the bank. *snorts* Yes, this gets good. The bank kindly lets them know that there is no money in the account. Bride gets called into a side room during the rehearsal and informed of the situation. When told that if she doesn't pay NOW, she can't have her wedding there, she acts offended, as if *she* has been wronged. I suppose we have to remember that this *is* a show about women who feel no shame in labeling themselves with a word that ends in "zilla." Classiness isn't exactly their forte.

Later, our bride throws numerous, embarrassing fits of temper. She eats pizza for a straight week and then blames the pizza delivery guy when her dress doesn't fit. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Something about how the pizza didn't arrive until after 8 pm, and everyone knows that that is the magic hour after which the pizza will go straight to ones thighs. Oh, to live in her universe. On the day of the wedding, despite it raining all morning, the instant it clears (and about an hour and a half prior to the ceremony, HOURS after the inside venue was already set up and past the deadline on which she needed to let the reception people know if she wanted to move the ceremony outside) she insults her mother, says nasty things to the long suffering reception venue coordinator, and demands to move the ceremony outside.

I just remembered that I also don't recall the name of her new husband (poor soul). They rarely feature a large part in these shenanigans. I'll offer up my crappy day for him.

Stay tuned for next week :)

Bridezillas 9/28...

Wow. This has become a Sunday night staple, much to Mike's chagrin. So, so much fodder here. I'll try to summarize:

Bride #1 - Vanessa. Real winner here. She banned her fiance's family from coming to the wedding because they aren't nice enough to her. The stepsister said in reply that her stepbrother "got stuck with her because he knocked her up." Ouch. She whined the whole episode about people not liking her and things happening that didn't go her way. The mere sound of her voice by the end of the hour was making me frantic - "you guyyyysssss...you're ruining it! stop it! why do you have to be herrreee right nowwwww!" She actually had the audacity to hire security guards to expel her new husband's family should they dare show up. Sounds like someone who thinks a little too highly of herself.

Bride #2 - Can't remember her name. They all seem the same after a while. Wait! Donna. She spends money like it grows on trees and threw a crying tantrum when the mothers put too much sand and not enough starfish into her centerpieces. She insisted that she was getting married on the beach "come hell or high water" and refused to plan a backup despite the fact that she was getting married on the New Jersey shore in *April*. When it did in fact rain, she took it out on the poor cake preparer, who forgot the chocolate seashells. Her husband too, is no treat. I see what he's working with here, but he *laughed* when his beloved chipped her tooth 3 days before the wedding, and generally made sarcastic and immature comments to her face for the entire show. Given that they didn't seem to even like each other, I was baffled as to why they wanted to marry. At their wedding, Donna claimed that she had "married the man of my dreams," and Mike and I said in unison, "really?!"

Bride #3 - Chantiqua (sp?!) Sucks her thumb despite the fact that she's, well, an adult. Walks all over her very sweet husband-to-be, which is a common theme on this show. She's being carried over to the next episode, so stay tuned!

Dancing with the Stars 9/23

All I can say is that I wish I could wear one of these costumes and not look ridiculous. I'm not sure if I'll get to watch every week (there is only so much reality tv my husband can take) but this may be my fall 2008 reality show. Ah wait! There is the always entertaining and catty Bridezillas. Oh the fodder that one will produce! Look forward to that Monday mornings. Dancing with the Stars is actually hard to make fun of, much harder than I would have thought. It has British judges, so it just somehow *seems* infinitely classy for a reality program. So far, I'm finding it highly watchable for reasons other then why I usually view reality tv (see 'making fun of' comment, supra). I like dancing, and pretty clothes, so it's a good fit for me. So far my only comment is that I envy Brooke Burke for looking so bloody fabulous after having four children.