Fourth Sunday of the Great Fast (St. John Climacus)

 Hello everyone, and welcome back to our Lenten journey! 😁 We're really getting there, aren't we? We lit the 4th candle on our festal wreath this past weekend, and by now we're nearly done with the 5th week, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. We are indeed past the halfway point of this important liturgical season, and I always evaluate how my goals are going at that juncture. As is so often the case, they're not going nearly as well as I'd like. 😂 I haven't been very consistent with my Liturgy of the Hours, and the book I planned to read this Lent hasn't even been cracked open. My brain has been pretty busy these days fretting over lots of changes with my kids. Totally normal growing up stuff, mind you, but very difficult for anxious mothers!

However, I'm not abandoning ship with Liturgy of the Hours! I'm getting it in when I can, and I just read a new booklet on this devotion that I will be sharing with you next week, stay tuned for that! Very excited about a book review post. And Holy Week will be here soon which always entails magical liturgical things and so many spiritual blessings, so soldier on we must.

This past weekend in the Byzantine rite was themed on St. John Climacus, who is known for describing the image of the Ladder of Divine Ascent in the spiritual life:

From the Orthodox Wiki:

The Ladder of Divine Ascent is an ascetical treatise on avoiding vice and practicing virtue so that at the end, salvation can be obtained. Written by Saint John Climacus initially for monastics, it has become one of the most highly influential and important works used by the Church as far as guiding the faithful to a God-centered life, second only to Holy Scripture.

There is also a related icon known by the same title. It depicts many people climbing a ladder; at the top is Jesus Christ, prepared to receive the climbers into Heaven. Also shown are angels helping the climbers, and demons attempting to shoot with arrows or drag down the climbers, no matter how high up the ladder they may be. Most versions of the icon show at least one person falling.

Fascinating stuff! We gathered after liturgy to chat details about the upcoming Easter Bazaar, and Anne and I are putting together a basket for the raffle themed around gardening. We've had a fun time putting it together! More details on all of that next week.

How is your Lent going as we near Holy Week, friends? I love taking this journey together each year! 🤗

The Triduum begins: Reflections on Lent 2013

And so the Paschal Triduum begins, and another Lent comes to an end. This is one of my very favorite times in the liturgical year. I'd love to go to the Holy Thursday Mass tonight, but I doubt that will happen with my needy daughter. However, tomorrow I am off from work and I have 3 Good Friday liturgies/activities to choose from at our parish: Morning prayer, the traditional 3 pm service, and/or Stations of the Cross. Right now, I'm thinking the 3 pm service. And then I can do stations privately later with Henry.

So, how did everyone's Lent go this year? I will give a recounting of mine here.

I had a beautiful Lent. I'll be honest: the Liturgy of the Hours got the best of me again. I love, LOVE this prayer, but dragging the thick books with me every morning and evening to and from work meant that sometimes I forgot them. And often evening prayer didn't happen just based on family needs of my time. So, once again I started off strong with this resolution, and petered out. I did, however, reignite my old subscription to Magnificat to try this out again. Magnificat does not include the official morning and evening prayers from the LOTH, but it does have an informal morning/evening prayer included, and it's small enough to tuck into my purse. I also always loved the daily saint stories they include, and it includes all the Mass readings and other devotions. I signed up for a 6 month subscription so that I can try it out. If I use it, then I'll renew for a much longer period. So, in the end, I think I reached a happy place in adding to my daily prayer life. My first issue will be for May.

Here are some other positives from Lent 2013: I was much more prayerful this Lent. I appreciated and recited my rosary with vigor each day. I'm currently praying a novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots and enjoying the heck out of it. I'm going to pray the Divine Mercy novena that will begin on Good Friday as well. Also, Henry and I kept up our resolution to pray a decade of the rosary together each night *extremely* well. The only days we missed were the few times I wasn't home at his bedtime. And on some of those (Mike and I out on a date night) my mom did the rosary with him. He enjoyed it so much that he told me he wants to continue doing it even once Lent is over, so we're going to keep going. I may see if he wants to up it to 2 decades a night. Right now, we do 1 decade and then we each choose a prayer to recite from his little St. Joseph prayer book. We'll see. I really love this new tradition we've established and I'm looking forward to adding Anne in when she's older.

As well, this was a momentous Lent, with Benedict XVI resigning and Pope Francis being elected. Lots of prayer time involved there. And I kept up with EWTN, watching various liturgies, that I otherwise wouldn't have invested the time in. Due to the Conclave, I established a very happy Catholic home on Twitter and am still keeping up with that daily.

This has been a very blessed Lent, and I'm so, SO looking forward to the Easter season!

I'll blog again on Easter Monday with a full recounting. We'll all attend Mass at 8 am Sunday morning, and we're having our parents and my grandmother over for dinner that evening. I'm looking forward, and I hope that you all have a prayerful Triduum and a beautiful Easter Sunday!

A meaningful Palm Sunday, and an encounter with an anti-Catholic element...

I  thought already having been sick within the past 4 weeks would make me exempt from the current virus malevolently making its way though our house, but that my friend, is a very, very naive assumption. The little petri dishes that live in my house, aka *my children*, continue to rain germs down like there is no tomorrow and the entire family is now sick. Mike was sick last week and is clearly getting better. *jealous*  Henry just has a lingering cough like he always does, afflicted as the poor child is with asthma. Poor Anne has been sick for some time and it's just taking her forever to shake it, but she can't blow her nose, so that certainly doesn't help her cause. I was only a little sick but worsened over the weekend, so much so that I was fearful that I was too ill to attend Palm Sunday Mass. My cough resulted in a very sore muscle in my lower abs, my nose was a travesty, and I generally felt like you could knock me over with a feather. But I just couldn't imagine starting Holy Week without the benefit of Palm Sunday Mass and the Eucharist. So, things went down thusly:

Sunday morning I awaken, clearly feeling worse than I did on Saturday. I figure eating and some coffee will help me. It does, but by 9 am I was wondering if my strength just wasn't going to be up to it. I knew that I could watch Mass on tv if I was sick, but that just isn't the same. I didn't feel horrible, just worn down. My options were:

(1) Everybody stays home from Mass; or

(2) I go and bring Henry (who is no trouble at Mass these days) but leave Anne home, since she is clearly the source of most of my exhaustion at Mass.

I pick option (2). I really wanted to go, I just knew I wasn't up to a lot of wrangling. I get dressed and ready to head out.

The instant Anne realizes that I'm going to church without her, she begins to howl and cry, begging me to put her shoes on and take her with me. I immediately feel terribly guilty. Despite Mike's protests that Anne will be fine at home, I pack her up and take her with me, grabbing a sippy cup of milk, some goldfish crackers, her toddler Bible, and her favorite stuffed Ernie toy. I feel confident that somehow I'll make it through.

We arrive at the church as Mass is starting, which I hate, but sometimes when you have small kids those are the breaks. I was worried about getting a parking spot so I said a prayer to St. Anthony to find one for us, and as we pulled into the lot I easily found one in the back. St. Anthony is good to us.

I hurry the kids into the church and put Henry in charge of getting our palms. Anne and I hustle into a pew over by the music ensemble as Henry approaches with nothing shy of a half dozen palms. We settle in.

Anne quietly eats goldfish crackers on my lap until the Gospel. During the reading of the Passion, she explored our pew a bit, which was fine. I couldn't find Henry's Magnifikid, so I set him up with the regular missal and he did great with it. At some point around the time Peter denies Jesus 3 times, Anne started to get a bit unruly. Giving her a palm to hold was a complete disaster, and she began to go out into the aisle. While I was fine with it as long as she stayed right next to our pew and was quiet, she began to travel and "visit" with some of her fellow parishoners. :) Thus, I picked her up. Big mistake.

Head is thrown back, body goes limp! Fantastic.

I can feel the squawking coming on, so I hustle her to the side vestibule. Wherein she spots a snow shovel resting against the wall and the rest is history. She didn't want to go back to the pew because that was too far from her beloved shovel. I don't know why, but the child is obsessed with shovels. The doors are glass so I could see Henry in our pew, halo perched firmly on his head, following along with his missal. He really comes through sometimes.

I refused to put Anne down since Mass is not playtime, but she was content to stay in my arms and look around the vestibule. We were able to get back out to our pew just before communion, and then after receiving she seemed tired and I held her in the pew. Although not relaxing, I'm so glad that I was able to get to Mass.  Palm Sunday's beautiful imagery and decor really sets the mood for the rest of Holy Week. Plus, I got our parish bulletin and can see other Holy Week liturgies that I'd like to attend this week. I'm taking Good Friday off, so I'll have lots of time then.

I managed to get everyone's coats on and off we set back to our car. Several regulars greeted us and complimented the kids. I love our parish.

As I approached the parking lot I saw something that I recognized immediately but have rarely experienced:

Chick tracks.

Those little anti-Catholic pamphlets with a cartoon demonstrating a particular theological point. They were on the windshields of all of the cars in the parking lot that I could see. Somebody had obviously come and put them there specifically during a Mass, and via my unhappy laser beam eyes I could see that the topic was the papacy, something like "Why do you need a pope?" I was incensed.

I didn't say anything to the kids and hurried them to the car. Amazingly, when I scanned my windshield, I could see that my car didn't have a tract on it. I almost felt offended. How dare they wrest the opportunity from me to tear it up and declare it garbage?!

I looked around the parking lot. The cars that were facing in (so those with easiest access to the windshields from the main part of the parking lot) all had a tract on them. The ones facing out, like mine, did not. Perhaps the responsible party was running low on time. Didn't want to risk running into some of us scary Catholics.

First thought to run through my head: Should I go and take them off the windshields of those that hadn't yet exited the church?! The temptation was there, but I thought that might make me look freakish. I didn't want to be associated with those tracts at all, I was just worried that some of my fellow parishoners might be upset by them, or worse, persuaded by them.

Second thought to enter my head: WHERE IS THE OFFENDING PARTY?! I looked around, eagle-eyed, but saw nobody suspicious. People were beginning to drive out of the parking lot, Chick tracks still stuck to their wiper blades about to blow off, ha!

I let it go, but boy was I mad. I've read about Chick Tracks many times in my Catholic apologetics reading, but the only other time I'd ever seen one was in a bookstore many years ago. I was browsing and pulled down a title about Mother Teresa. Inside the book was an infamous Chick Track titled "The Death Cookie" about the Eucharist. Somebody had deliberately left it in there rightly assuming that people looking at that book were likely to be Catholic. I didn't end up buying the book but I took the tract and threw it in the garbage.

We live in an area filled with churches, both Catholic and non-Catholic, but none jump out at me as being anti-Catholic, so I can't help but wonder where these people crawled out from. 

Anyway, I prayed the rosary all the harder during my short ride home, and the the instant I arrived I alerted Mike to the situation, and he was all wide-eyed. I'm trying to let it go, but next time I'm going around and taking them off the cars, I swear it. I am the epitome of a non-confrontational person, but DO NOT mess with me about something that I am passionate about. 

Interestingly, later that afternoon I was at my grandmother's apartment dropping off some chili to her since she had surgery this past week. She was raised Catholic and raised her kids Catholic, but left the Church many years ago for an Assembly of God church. Her faith is very important to her, and the way she lives her faith is an inspiration to me, but if I'm being honest her church does strike me as a tad anti-Catholic. But at any rate, yesterday she asked me if I had gone to Mass, and if I had gotten a palm. I told her that I had.

"Oh yeah? Your mother usually saves me a little palm. I like to put one with the cross that I hang in my bedroom."

That made me smile. You can never fully take the Catholic out of a person. :) She obviously is still attached to the traditional Palm Sunday of her youth. I'll make sure my mom got her a palm this year, because if she forgot, my grandmother can have one of the *6* that my children commandeered. 

It does feel good to be Catholic, especially during Holy Week.

Holy Week plans

Big news:

My Easter crafting is done. I know that you were just as concerned about that as I was.

:)

Anne's chick looks *fabulous*. I'll photograph him this weekend and post on Monday. I've now started on some baby knitting for a shower I've been invited to in mid-April. I'm making an Elizabeth Zimmerman "Baby Surprise Jacket", a coordinating hat, and a teddy bear, if all goes according to plan. Which it sometimes doesn't.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend. My NCAA tournament bracket is currently doing well, but as is often the case, that could change any SECOND. Every year I threaten to not fill out a bracket (Mike hosts a pool every year) because I invest all this energy into filling it out despite the fact that I know nothing about college basketball, get all emotionally invested, and then throw swear words around left and right when inevitably the upsets that I picked don't upset and other upsets that I didn't pick take out my Sweet 16 selections one by one. BUT THEN. There will be renewed hope due to a myriad of factors, I will re-invest my energy, only for it to be killed in the Final 4. I will swear off filling out a bracket ever again because I never win money, but I will repeat the pattern 12 months later. It's a sickness.

So, besides basketball, I'm looking forward to Palm Sunday Mass on Sunday. I'm bringing both children, so please pray for me.

I'm also starting a novena to Mary Undoer of Knots beginning tomorrow. Anybody want to join? It'll wrap up on Easter Sunday. See the link for the full prayers.

I'm looking forward to our first Holy Week with Pope Francis, and I see that EWTN will air his Palm Sunday Mass several times. I'm loving all of this Catholic coverage, Ive been in a super happy Catholic bubble lately.

CONCLAVE! And, Henry's first confession

I got the breaking news while I was on the reference desk that the Conclave has been officially set to begin on Tuesday. I immediately wanted to navigate over here to this blog, but imagine this, I was commandeered by an absolute *onslaught* of panicking students needing things to take home with them over spring break. That and a community patron who had an index card full of chicken scratch that he wanted me to painstakingly interpret with him for about 30 minutes.

*long suffering sigh*

I was *dying* to read the Catholic news and get to my blog. So here I am. What a perfect week, spring break! Things will be quieter at work and I can stalk Sistine Chapel chimney web cams and pertinent Twitter feeds. SO EXCITED.

In related Catholic news, tomorrow Henry receives the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time. :) Mike and I are both accompanying him to the church, and we're taking him out for lunch afterwards.

He already has his new rosary that I got him partly in commemoration of this event, I gave them to him on the eve of Lent so that he could pray with them each night and so far we've made every single night except when I'm out of the house at his bedtime, usually Friday night belly dance class. He's been very cute about it. His Act of Contrition is all memorized and we've talked about the how-to's and why's of confession several times. We even looked at a confessional together one day after Mass.

He still seems a bit nervous about the whole thing, and insists that the teacher told him at "confession practice" that they had to use the face-to-face side, not the screen, which I find somewhat hard to believe, but we'll see tomorrow I suppose. The kids are apparently also presenting an opening program in which they sing a few sacred songs, a piece of the puzzle that Henry is not very happy about.

"I can't sing good, Mommy."

Well, neither can I, so I sympathize with that. Our family is not blessed with vocal abilities.

So, it's a very nice occasion and I'm looking forward to it. It's the first sacrament either of our children will have received other than baptism. I wish they still did First Communion in second grade, like when I was a little girl, but that's changed, at least in this diocese. We made our first confession right aorund now, like Henry is, but then we did First Communion right in May of the same year. Henry won't make his First Communion until a year from May. A pity. It's actually tough to bring him with me in the communion line now because he looks old enough to receive and the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion keep trying to give it to him. I have to intervene each time. :)

So, a big sacrament day for Henry tomorrow. I'm just hoping to have a restful and non-tantrum filled weekend. Yes, that would be referring to Anne not myself, but I confess that sometimes in the middle of the night I have weak moments. Last night was epic, but I'm actually in a pretty good mood despite that. We'll get there.

Next week is going to be major. Let us all catch our breath now.

Distracting myself while we await the conclave...

It was an emotional weekend for me, as I'm sure it was for all of you. I listened to a bunch of podcasts as I went about errands from The Catholic Insider, aka Fr. Roderick (I just adore him). I subscribe to The Break, one of his other shows, and have for some time, but I just discovered The Catholic Insider. And I loved listening to him reporting in right from St. Peter's Square on Thursday, it made me feel like I was there and a part of everything as well. I'm anxiously awaiting more installments as this historic story unfolds.

I'm poring over the newspaper each morning and constantly sticking my nose in my Facebook news feed eagerly awaiting more information, but in the meantime I've been distracting myself with marathon crafting sessions. Easter is approaching, and in case you didn't already know this (snort!), this is my most inspired crafting time of the year. Did you know that March is National Crochet Month? Well. Now you know. :)

Henry and I were at JoAnn's yesterday for their Coupon Commotion to gather some supplies and away I went. I've got a whole horde of secret birthday gifts tucked into my at-home knitting bag that I'm very excited about, photos to be revealed at a later date. I'm also working on stuff for the kids' Easter baskets.

Henry has been asking me to make him a stuffed crab since Christmas, so I'm working on that now for him. Anne is getting a little crocheted chick. I also want to make Anne an Easter sweater, we'll see if that happens or not, time dependent. I also just ordered Anne a set of saint peg dolls from Cam's shop, because she loves hers that I got her for Christmas. She will be getting the Our Lady of Fatima collection complete with all 3 children. I have an Amazon order planned for my next pay period with books for both kids and a movie for Henry.

I have found that I love crocheting toys. I don't mind knitting them as well, but crochet is my absolute favorite for this. The projects are cute, quick and easy. In case we need inspiration, this is the chick that I'm going to be making:

I just love Easter.

BTW, I love this designer's work. This chick is a free pattern on Ravelry and on her blog. She also offers a Thanksgiving turkey, a bluebird, and a puppy for free. I bought her wolf pattern and am eyeing up a teddy bear and a bunny. Her patterns are well written, detailed (with lots of instructions on assembly, something that can be woefully lacking in other amigurumi patterns) and adorable. I've been having a great time with them. When I'm not obsessing about the papacy. You know how that goes.

Bereft

I wasn't prepared for how awful I felt watching Pope Benedict's helicopter fly out over Rome yesterday. It wasn't yet 2 pm EST, so I wasn't expecting it, and the emptiness that I felt startled me.

I remember Blessed John Paul's final illness and death like it was yesterday. I was about 8 weeks pregnant with Henry, which was a great comfort to me, and of course we had all known that John Paul's death was coming. Although Paul VI was pope when I was born, he and John Paul I died when I was far too young to remember. So, John Paul II was the only pope that I'd ever known, and I LOVED him. I mean, LOVED him. It was the great goal of my life to meet him in person, and I was never able to. Mike and I do have a papal blessing from him when we married 3 months prior to his death, which is of course very special to us.

So, John Paul II's long decline was hard on me, but it just seemed to me like he would live forever. It just didn't seem possible for me to imagine the Church without him. But toward the end there I could see the writing on the wall, and I prepared myself. The new life growing within me felt even more poignant as John Paul passed away.

I remember the mourning period, the funeral, the conclave. I still felt numb. And when Benedict was elected, I was thrilled, because I knew how close he was to John Paul, and I felt confident in his ability to lead the Church.

Now, with his resignation, it all feels so different. I'm glad that he's still here with us, praying for us all. But him stepping down feels very jarring to me, and having the Church without a pope really scares me.

I hear that Monday the cardinals will meet to set a date for the conclave, that'll be good. I remember the last interregnum and this one feels both the same and different, if that makes any sense. It's so strange, it's so exciting, it's so sad, all in one.

I hope that we have a new pope soon, and that he is spectacular. I keep reading in the newspaper about how "Pope Benedict leaves a church in crisis, his successor will have so much to deal with." Well yes, but isn't that always the case? Is the Church (indeed, the world) ever NOT in crisis in some form or another? I think that the media is just trying to stir the pot.

Yesterday evening after our takeout, we put on BBC World News for a spell, and their coverage wasn't too objectionable. There was the inevitable speculation about "papal favorites" which is completely pointless, but there you have it. After that segment was over,  I put on EWTN, which was airing a Mass for Benedict at the National Shrine in Washington DC. It was lovely.

It comforted me to pray our Lenten rosary decade with Henry before he went to bed. He's *adorable* with his new rosary beads, and he keeps pleading with me to pray the entire rosary. Given that it takes us at least 10 minutes just to get through a single decade I've been reluctant (at least before bed) but I love that he's enjoying it so much. I'm very blessed to have him; I think he's going to grow up to be a kind and wonderful person and (please God!) a great Catholic.

These are historic and important days that we're experiencing, and I'm so glad to be sharing it with all of you. Let's all aim for a prayerful weekend, and I'll check back in, as ever, on Monday. :)

Sede Vacante begins, and my 1,000th post...

It's hard to believe, but this is post number 1,000 on this blog. It's a small and humble blog, but I know that people do read it (and some regularly! *kiss*), and I can't tell you how much that means to me. I love to write, and this has proved a wonderful creative outlet for me.

My first post is dated September 23, 2008. That was actually a tough time in my life. Henry was just shy of 3 and was in the throes of the Terrible Two's, Mike was stressed out at his job and we knew that he wasn't happy there. I had just started belly dancing, so it hadn't yet reached its zenith in my creative life. I felt anxious and overwhelmed. And I started blogging. I started small, but eventually reached a happy and comfortable rhythm. It's been such a blessing.

And on this historic day, I'm so glad that I feel like I'm experiencing and sharing everything right along with my online friends and the Church worldwide. I believe that the official resignation time, 8 pm in Rome, will be 2 pm EST. I'll be watching with baited breath. I feel a bit weepy, but I know that it'll be ok.

We're getting takeout tonight from Chipotle (we're nerds) and plan to watch any tolerable media coverage. I'm working on crocheting some birthday gifts so I'll take out my nervous energy on my creations. Speaking of, here is the finished Lady Edith shawl:

Lady Violet's dinner gauntlets, from the Downton Abbey mystery knit-along:

And my Valentine's socks (a little late):

I'm certain there will be a lot of blogging over the course of the next few weeks. I've been vigilant with my rosary (as has Henry, he's been particularly adorable this Lent) and with the Liturgy of the Hours. Well, I'll fess up. I haven't missed a single Morning Prayer, but Evening Prayer often goes by the wayside. It's just so hectic once I get home and have the kids to attend to. But I persevere and that's what matters. Prayer is so, so important right now.

Let's all hang in there for what could be a wild ride.

Lent, one week in

How is everybody's Lent going? :)

So far, I'm doing pretty well with my Liturgy of the Hours goal. *accountability check* I have missed 2 sessions of evening prayer, but in both cases I had a good reason. Instead of getting down on myself like in Lents past and just giving up the entire endeavor, I've just told myself that these things happen, line up my bookmark ribbons for the next session and resolve to make morning prayer the next day a priority. And I have. So, I still consider that a success.

I've been praying my rosary more and remembering to wing up small prayers more in general in times of need or when I see others' times of need. Thus, so far I'm getting a lot out of Lent 2013.

And I'm more rested, hence the definite uptick in my perkiness factor. Anne, at 21 months, is still just SUCH an unpredictable sleeper. Some nights are great, others not so much. And long before this age, Henry was sleeping reliably through the night, so I just wasn't prepared for this. Such is the lot of parents.

I finished up class #4 for the week of this busy teaching week at work, just 1 more to go tomorrow. I was thinking this morning on my way in that Lent may be the time to reevaluate what I want out of my career as well. I got tenure last year, and that has led to a nice feeling of relief and security. I do however feel a bit "stale" in my responsibilities. Nothing has changed for me at work, or been "freshened up" in quite some time. In my class this morning, I started my demonstration and just allowed myself to be a lot less formal than usual. I told the students how nowadays many people wonder if we still need libraries and librarians, because "everything is online." I related how when I was a little girl, my local library had big card catalogs, a scary, mean librarian with glasses and a bun, creaky floorboards, and a resident cat. What did any of this have to do with their English Composition assignment? Well nothing, but I can tell you, they were interested. I don't usually have students with wide interested eyes hanging on to my every word like this, I can assure you.

It felt good. I wrapped up by explaining briefly how librarians still very much provide the same service they used to, just in different mediums. And please, for the love of God, do NOT tell me that you can find everything that you need for a COLLEGE RESEARCH PAPER on Google. Because you cannot. So there.

It was a good class, and it got me to thinking how I should freshen up my teaching and lesson plans over the summer. I love being a librarian. Especially since I was in a profession prior to this that I truly did not enjoy (law), I treasure how much of a "fit" being a librarian feels to me. Being a librarian is a public service, and sometimes I lose track of that. Students can annoy me (with their laziness) but ultimately I like to help them. It's what I'm called to do. And I should do so with love and charity.

It was a good morning moment.

*gold star*

:-)

Feast of Sts. Cyril and Methodius

See the things you learn when you pray the Liturgy of the Hours? All sorts of interesting things.

On day two of Lent, my resolution to pray morning and evening prayer is going very well, ha! I do love it. If it continues to go well, I'm going to try to continue into the Easter season. We'll see.

Speaking of prayer, I needed the extra power this morning. We had an abysmal night with Anne (day 4 of the Nights of Misery series, coming to a theater near you) and this morning I was in tears. I do well now with one bad night even two. Being beaten down into submission with sleep deprivation will do that do you. Your standards sink immeasurably low. But more than that in one stretch really starts to get me down. I'm hanging in there.

This afternoon, I'm planning some needed grocery shopping followed by picking up Chinese takeout for dinner. Hank and I baked a cake last night and we'll frost it tonight as well. Anything we can do to cheer up is a good thing, I think.

*sighs*

Ash Wednesday 2013

Ah, Ash Wednesday. I look forward to this every year. I enjoy having a season set apart for contemplation and sacrifice. I love the symbolism of the ashes. Mid-February is the perfect time for Ash Wednesday, in my opinion. The gray skies and chilly weather just fit. We all look forward to the spring dawn of Easter.

And my vigil of Ash Wednesday was just superb. I was on the reference desk yesterday until 3 pm, but as soon as I finished I wrapped up things in my office and took 2 hours of vacation time to leave early. First, I stopped off at our local Christian bookstore, which is conveniently quite near campus. I was in search of the St. Joseph Guide to the Liturgy of the Hours for 2013. We do have a small Catholic store near my house, but it's so tiny and the stock so limited that I rarely go there. We also have a large Catholic store associated with a local shrine, but it's a solid 35 minute ride away. I'd like to get there during Lent, but that didn't help me yesterday. This Christian store is a nice size and very Catholic friendly. They always have a nice stock of Catholic books, including the St. Joseph guides. I happily stopped in.

I make a beeline for the Catholic section but alas, the 4-volume guides were all gone. They had the guide for single volume Christian Prayer, as well as a guide to this year's missal, but not the one I was seeking. While I was there, I checked out their "parish supply" section which always has an interesting assortment of items. Roman collars, Vacation Bible School kits, baptismal candles, saint medals, all represented. I immediately found what I was hoping for - one of those tall pillar candles encased in colored plastic that you see in racks at churches for you to light for a specific intention. They usually have crosses molded into the plastic and come in a few colors. Henry *loves* these candles and wants to light one every single week at Mass. It's the highlight of Mass for him, frankly. For $3, I got him his very own blue candle. For Lent, I planned to start a nightly praying of a rosary decade with him. and we can light the candle while we do that. We've done that in the past, and he loved it. Whatever helps them to pray the rosary I see as a good thing.

Before I left, I perused the children's books and spotted a toddler version of Henry's absolute favorite kids Bible, The Beginner'sBible. This one was a board book with a condensed number of the Bible stories, but nice and sturdy. I chose that as Anne's Lenten gift. After I checked out, I stopped to peruse their selection of Fontanini nativity pieces. I love being in stores like that; they're so peaceful.

Feeling perky, I then stopped off for confession. The parish connected with Henry's school has confession at 4 pm on Tuesdays, which just sounds like an odd slot, no? But I have found it strangely convenient. I haven't been to confession in a shameful number of months and have been meaning to stop in since the beginning of Advent. Sigh. The last time I tried to go, there were so many people waiting I ran out of time and had to head home. As I got out of my car and headed over to the church, I bumped into the priest who was parking his car in the rectory spot. That seemed a bit awkward, but I persevered.

The church was serene and housed 2 other people waiting for confession. As I dipped my fingers into the holy water font I spotted a special Lenten issue of The Word Among Us available as a freebie over near the bulletins. I snagged one and slipped into a pew to await the priest. I was feeling some anxiety about not doing a proper examination of conscience and voila! An article in The Word Among Us about a Lenten examination of conscience. Xanadu. Scanning through the list I unfortunately noted 3 additional things to add to my list.  Actually, make that 4. Ugh.

The priest came in and entered the confessional and I let the other two people who were there before me line up and go in. The sanctuary was very peaceful and I wasn't in a rush yesterday. Mike was teaching and the kids were safely tucked away with their grandparents.

Once they were done, I went in since no one else was waiting. As ever, I had an excellent experience. Whenever I go to confession, I put it off way too long, but the instant I go I wonder why I don't go all the time. I feel GREAT when I get out. It's almost as if you can physically feel the grace moving within you. I prayed for a few minutes and got up to leave, glowing. Just as I was putting my hat and scarf back on, a mother came in with her 2 young children. She was coaxing the little girl over to the confessional when I left, making me smile.

Speaking of confession, Henry will go for the first time on March 6th and he has his Act of Contrition all memorized in anticipation. He's nervous, but I'm so excited for him. We used to make our First Communion also in second grade, closely following First Reconcilliation, but that doesn't seem to be the norm anymore. He won't make First Communion until next May. Anyway, in anticipation of his first confession, and for our new prayer routine for Lent, I presented Henry last night with his candle (*gasp* "Oh MOMMY! It's BEAUTIFUL!" I seriously could have gotten away with only giving him the $3 candle) and his first big boy rosary from unbreakablerosaries on Etsy:

 It's a beauty, no? And poignantly, the center medal features John Paul II and Benedict XVI. He couldn't wait to head up to his bedroom and christian the new rosary with the holy water we retrieved from our parish and light the candle for the first time. We prayed the First Sorrowful Mystery, and he did a great job leading the prayers. I'm looking forward to continuing our tradition for all of Lent. It's nice because now his bedtime is later than Anne's, as I usually put Anne down. So this way, I can spend individual time with each of them before they go to sleep.

We've been having some long nights with Anne, so Ash Wednesday morning dawned for me at 4 am. But I felt good. I already said my first installment of morning prayer and this is another thing that I can't believe I don't do all the time. The Liturgy of the Hours is just wonderful. The prayers are beautiful and I love the connection that I feel with the universal Church when I pray it. I see that Amazon has the St. Joseph guide for 2013 and I'm about to order a few books for Mike, so I may stick that in to make my navigation of the volume a bit easier. Right now I'm making do with the 2012 guide.

I'm slated to get ashes with Anne at 4 pm, and I can't wait.

Further reflections on the pope's resignation, and my Lenten plan

I feel like I'm still in a haze from yesterday. What an important day for the Church. I got the sense that it would be a day in which I remember some of the details of what I was doing for the rest of my life, as often happens on days in which unexpected but life altering things happen. It still hasn't fully sunk in, but it's been on my mind since the moment I found out, and so these are my thoughts:

I respect his decision. Only he and his doctors know the specifics of what is currently going on with his health. And we know that Benedict is a prayerful man. If he felt that this was the right decision, I believe him.

But I'm sad. I get uncomfortable as I read what has now become an oft repeated statement that "...this is good, as it paves the way for future popes to resign when they get older. And with modern medicine aiding us in living as long as we do, resignation will become increasingly necessary."

I don't completely agree with that statement. I certainly don't think that John Paul II's model of suffering at the very end of his life as pope was a mistake. I don't like the implication that from now on, any pope should consider resigning as he ages (especially past age 80), as maybe we can't learn anything from him anymore. It just smacks of the condescending attitude our modern society typically has towards the elderly. Not productive. Not valuable. Useless. I completely disagree.

On the other hand, I can respect that each individual pope should do as they see fit for themselves. Perhaps Benedict does not feel called to share his physical struggles publicly in the same way that John Paul II did. There is nothing wrong with that.

I can very much picture Benedict happily living out the rest of his days in study and prayer. If that is what is best for him, and what he feels is best for the Church, then I'm fine with it. I'm quite excited about the prospect of a Lenten conclave, and see this as a powerful and poignant lent. I look forward to the excitement of a new pope for the Holy Week and Easter celebrations to come.

What I am already sick of though are the negative comments I'm seeing in some places. How the Church needs to "get with the times" and "become more progressive." And it always relates back to the issues the Church takes the most criticism for. Birth control. Abortion. The definition of marriage. Female clergy. Priestly celibacy.

I certainly think that the Church is a living and evolving institution, and it should address modern issues as with all things, with love. But I think that people who are expecting the Church to change on her core teachings are going to be sorely disappointed. It's not going to happen.

I am very curious and excited to see who will be elected, but I have a feeling that the wait is going to feel very long. And all of the speculation is drawn out even more than usual since we have this two and a half week span before the resignation becomes effective.

I'm looking forward to it being a time of intense prayer. And on that note I have devised my Lenten scheme for 2013. I'm not going to observe any dietary restrictions other than the expected fast and abstinence on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, and abstinence from meat on all other Fridays of Lent. I'm going to read some Catholic books. I have a copy of George Weigel's God's Choice: Pope Benedict XVI and the Future of the Catholic Church that I'm going to pull out. I'm certain I will still read some fiction. But overall I'm going to try to pray more, and to add in morning and evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours for all of Lent. I started doing that last Lent and loved it, but once I tried moving to the Magnificat prayers instead I fell off the wagon. This year, I'm sticking with my study old 4-volume Liturgy of the Hours books. And that's it.

Although that doesn't seem like a lot, I intend to make it count. I'm going to be praying a lot, as we all should, for our new pope, whoever he may be.

Headcovering Central

It's kind of shocking that I've had Downton Abbey Season 3 in my hot little paws since Saturday afternoon (yes, I stalked the mailman; it was waiting by our door as we got back from a public library run, otherwise I would have been p.r.e.t.t.y ticked off about him smoking a cigarette in his truck while my precious DVD's sat frightened and alone in the back....) and I have yet to blog about it. We're very much enjoying it, I'm just taking it all in and I don't want to spoil anybody that hasn't seen it yet. Rest assured, gentle reader, that I'm watching every episode with hawk-like attention to detail and I'm continuing to knit my Lady Violet Gauntlets and Lady Edith Shawl as I do so. Pictures to follow shortly. We've watched through episode 3 so far.

At any rate, I was thinking about Lent starting next Wednesday (!) and about what I'm going to be doing this year. I will devote a whole post to that in the coming week, but I've re-devoted myself to headcovering, and since somebody may want to try that out over Lent (I did, the first year that I started covering at Mass) I thought I would highlight the shops that I buy coverings from.

Headcovering is definitely a topic that elicits strong opinions, but you won't find one here. I do enjoy wearing a headcovering. Why? Honestly, I think they're very pretty. :) And I find that it helps *me* (doesn't apply to everybody, I understand) stay focused more during Mass. I think that it is a lovely way to show reverence, although many show their reverence in other ways.

Anyway, I digress. I have 3 Etsy shops to recommend. I could spend my entire entertainment budget on Etsy, I tell you.

(1) A Snood for All Seasons - Cam's shop features snoods in every color under the rainbow as well as convertible coverings (can be worn in a kerchief style or folded up as a headband). She has her stock divided up by color, so you can browse for your favorite hue to see what styles and fabrics she has available. I have 5 convertible coverings from Cam (2 cotton and 3 lace) and wear them often. I highly recommend her work.

(2) Happy Homestead - Melissa's stretchy lace headbands are just the best thing to ever hit my headcovering world. I LOVE them. In fact, I just ordered 2 more, inspired by this post. :) I justified a red and a pink headband, because you know, Valentine's Day is approaching.

(3) Liturgical Time - I've gotten to "know" :) Michelle this past year via her blog, and a kind and prayerful seller always enhances a headcovering shop in my mind. I haven't yet purchased one of her coverings, but her eternity veil is currently on my wish list and it's only a matter of time before this one makes it into my mailbox.

Lent's approach is a nice time to consider trying out wearing a covering to Mass. Mid-Februray is the ideal time for Ash Wednesday to my mind, I wish it fell this way every year. Mike thinks that Easter should be a fixed feast every year, the first or second Sunday of April. I too think that is ideal timing, but alas, I don't think our tradition with regard to the date of Easter will change. Next year it will be another early March Ash Wednesday which just feels so strange to me. But first we have Lent 2013. Can't wait to share it with you. :)

Wilting

I am TIRED. And I actually slept good last night. Shocking, I know. But I taught my biggest class of the semester this morning and that always drains me. At least, that is what I'm telling myself is the reason I'm contemplating a nap in my office.

The class went really well, I wish I just wasn't shot now for the remainder of the day. At least I have enough energy to obsessively check on the status of my Amazon order of Downton Abbey Season 3.

It's release date is today, and as of yesterday afternoon my order status changed from "Not Yet Shipped" to "Shipping Soon." Glorious day! They usually get those pre-orders out real fast.

But then I checked the order again this morning, full expecting to see the happy "Shipped!" notice, and there was none. Still "Shipping Soon." And the culprit appeared to be the second DVD I'd ordered (a gift for Henry) which was also due to be released today, but which is now saying it won't ship for another several days.

I panic.

I call Amazon. I confused the very sweet customer service representative who kept offering to change my shipping speed for me, but that's not what I was asking. I just wanted to make sure that my order was in fact set to leave the warehouse today. If not, then I would break up the order.

He assured me that my order was being packed. I thanked him and went back to obsessively checking the order status. Suddenly:

"Not Yet Shipped."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Obviously, Hotel Transylvania was conspiring to ruin my life. I immediately axe it from the order. I can order it separately when it arrives in stock in a few days. Downton Abbey sat there innocently until I got back from teaching. Then it told me once again that it was "Shipping Soon" and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Just checked again. Still "Shipping Soon." Mew.

I'll combine Hotel Transylvania with some other things so that I can get free shipping. I've got my eye on some Easter gifts for the kids. I tend to spoil the children at Easter, but I love Easter, I can't help it. I'm on the hunt for a baby music player for Anne since she loves to listen to music and dance and begs me to play my iPod music for her at every opportunity. Unfortunately, the only song that she wants played over and over and OVER again for her to dance to is "Moves Like Jagger."

Sigh.

Oh, I've decided on one fun Lent project for this year. The Catholic knitters/crocheters on Ravelry are hosting a Lenten shawl knit-along and I'm going to take part. You knit any shawl pattern that you like, but by Easter you give the shawl to someone or donate it. I'm going to aim to donate my shawl to the Theme Tray auction at Hank's school, as I know that is the fundraiser that they rely on the most each year. I'm excited. I'm choosing my pattern and yarn now.

Going to sign off now before I fall asleep over my keyboard.

Thinking about Lent

I had Children's Liturgy of the Word this past Sunday (a very small, sedate group) and we spent some time talking about upcoming items on the Church calendar. I find this stuff fascinating, so I can only hope the children aren't just humoring me. We have Candlemass on February 2nd, so we talked about blessed candles, and then the feast of St. Blase next Sunday with the blessing of the throats, one of my favorite of the year. The children seemed quite taken with the St. Blase/fish bone story.

*pats self on back*

We also broached on Lent, since there are only a few weeks left until Ash Wednesday. And I'll be with them the First Sunday of Lent, happily, breaking out the purple cloth. We got to talking: what will we each be doing/giving up for Lent this year?

The answer is that I have absolutely no idea. But I LOVE thinking about it! I adore this part of the liturgical calendar, so much fodder!

Anybody want to offer in a comment what you will be doing for Lent this year?